Requiem And Sorrow: Secui Duos
by pjstillnoon
Summary: Part two of the Requiem saga, just being moved into it's own home like a big boy so I can tidy up the spare room... Rated T  AND M!
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Number Two in the Doctor Callian writing challenges. This was meant to be a standalone fic, but after getting half way through Requiem And Sorrow I realised I had actually started writing both these fics with the same theme. So now this has become part 2. _

**PJPJPJPJ**

"So how you doin'?" Cal asked looking over at his business partner while he drove. He gave her a quick glance over before turning his eyes back to the snow covered road.

"Fine," she turned to look out of the passenger window.

'_Right_,' Cal thought. '_Clearly not fine at all_.'

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No," she tightened her seatbelt, caved in on herself a little.

Cal tapped a finger against the steering wheel. Well if she didn't want to talk about it willingly, he could just needle it out of her. "You know, if you're not ready to handle cases, if you need to take a few days off."

"Cal," her tone was loaded with warning, but she still refused to look at him.

"You know it's not my fault the airport's closed."

"I know that," her tone was higher pitched, but certainly still as stressed.

"Why are you grumpy?" Cal wheedled.

"I'm not grumpy ok? I just haven't been sleeping well and I'm tired."

"So why are you takin' it out on me?"

"You're handy," Gillian responded glumly.

Cal focused on the road again. Huge snow drifts had been ploughed to line the road and where cars had splashed by the snow was black and slushy. They were supposed to be flying home to D.C but the local airport was closed and so they had decided to stay one more night in the hotel, and try again in the morning. It was that, or attempt to drive back now. The case was closed and there was no one to rush home to for either of them. Cal had all ready organised for Emily to stay at her mother's apartment. And well, Gillian wasn't with anyone now so...

Snow was falling right at this moment, a light blanket against a grey sky all ready turning dim even though it was barely late afternoon. Cal liked the snow. It reminded him of Christmas's at home in England. And normally, Gillian liked the snow too. She said it made the world silent and magical. But right now, it was really pissing her off because the last thing she wanted was to be trapped with Cal in the middle of a snowstorm with no way to escape.

Back at the hotel Gillian approached the desk to check in for another night. She explained that they had just checked out and tried to leave but were trapped by the snow. Cal stepped up beside her as the hotel clerk typed away with manicured fingernails on the computer keyboard. He stomped the cold out of his feet and dumped his bag next to hers with a loud bang. Gillian shot him an annoyed glare out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm very sorry but the only room we have available is a single."

Gillian could see Cal look at her out of the corner of her eye. She had a hard time looking at him directly since Burns had left and he'd started behaving so... And it was worse since her melt down about Sophie. It wasn't logical to blame Cal. It wasn't his fault. But if he'd just left it alone... actually, if he'd just left it alone then she wouldn't have had any idea of how to find Burns... but that wasn't the point. Cal just had to pry into everything of her life. Just like he had to show up when Ursula had brought Sophie by.

"We'll take it," Cal answered.

"Excellent," the hotel clerk answered and tapped away again. "One night?"

"At this stage yeah," Cal responded while Gillian thought if the airport wasn't open tomorrow then they would just drive back anyway. She was going to have to suffer through at least twelve hours in the same room with him; she could tolerate a three hour car ride so she could get back to her own bed and peace and quiet. So she could cry in private.

Cal took the key and carried her bag upstairs with his and she supposed that anyone would think they were just another couple checking in to the hotel. In some ways, they were a couple. They didn't say anything in the elevator and even less as they walked down the hallway to their room. Cal offered her the key card and their fingers fumbled as she took it from him.

The room was small but nice. "Wanna call dibs on a side of the bed?" Cal offered.

"I'll take the right," Gillian muttered.

"Perfect." Cos he slept on the left at home. Just one more way they were compatible. But somehow voicing that at this moment didn't seem like such a good idea. He could see she was seething and her mood seemed to be getting worse by the bloody second. "Wanna get somethin' to eat?"

"Not hungry," Gillian responded shortly lifting her bag to a bench top and started unzipping it.

"What is goin' on with you!" Cal finally blurted.

Gillian stopped moving. "Nothing," she said quietly.

"Could have fooled me," Cal insisted. "Cos I know I piss you off sometimes but I'm pretty sure I've been behaved in the last two hours." Not to mention the entire last week. Extra special well behaved.

She turned around slowly. She gave an exaggerated sigh. "I know. It's not you. It's this," she waved a hand towards the window.

"So why are you angry with me?" Cal asked gently.

"Because I trust you." She sighed again and gave him a slight, but entirely unconvincing smile. "I just would like to go home and have a bath."

Cal went to the bathroom and pushed open the door. "There's a bath here luv."

**PJ**

"How was your bath?" Cal queried from the bed, his hands were tucked behind his head and his full length stretched out in the middle of the bed. She looked good with wet hair.

"Good thank you," Gillian responded.

Cal watched her walk across the room. She plugged in a hair dryer and killed any more chances at decent conversation. Cal watched as she used a hair brush to dry her hair straight again. Occasionally she caught him watching her in the reflection of the mirror and gave him a slight smile. Cal grinned back and waggled his fingers. After she shut off the hair dryer she applied a light layer of makeup, her hands working quickly in a practiced routine. Cal had never seen this aspect of her. This kind of domesticity. And he liked it a lot. He was surprised by how much he liked it.

"Enjoying the show?" Gillian asked now it was quiet.

"I am actually."

She gave a slight smile then ignored him to apply eye liner.

"Why are you puttin' on make up? Afraid I won't like what I see?"

"No," she scoffed. "If we're going to dinner I would prefer to wear a little make up."

"Oh we're goin' for dinna are we?"

She gave a slight smile and her blue eyes flickered over to his reflection. "Will you have dinner with me?"

"Love to luv."

Gillian's smiled tugged at the corner of her mouth. Cal grinned back. Then he wondered if he should get changed. Maybe put on a clean shirt. He remembered the last time he had done that, stripping off right in front of her as if nothing was out of the ordinary. In fact, that scenario was very similar to the one they had going now. On a road trip, staying in a hotel, going down for dinner. Cal's stomach quivered in anticipation and nerves. All he had to do now was recreate a really nice evening meal in which he was funny and attentive and make her smile and be flirty again and well... maybe then he'd...

"Ready to go?"

"Sure," Cal sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. He slipped into his shoes again.

"You need to get changed?" Gillian asked him with a smirk.

Cal dropped one of the laces in his hand. She was doing it again! Reading his mind! He fumbled again as he reached for the length of cord. He hoped Gillian wasn't watching him. Because he looked a bit like an idiot right now.

They went down to the restaurant. Cal would have thought the bath would have soothed Gillian's nerves but they didn't seem to be placated at all. She sighed impatiently while they waited for the elevators and she hummed her annoyance when a couple tried to get on while they were trying to get off. Normally she would smile and brush that kind of thing away and this time Cal found himself doing it. He was marvelling at how their roles had reversed as they passed through the bar. And then he was a little disturbed as to why and he missed the guy at the bar who turned his head to watch Gillian go by.

Before they could even get to a table Cal's phone started ringing. "Oop sorry luv," Cal apologised as he pulled it out. "It's Em," he added as he checked the number.

"Sure," Gillian responded.

"Wait for me luv. I won't be long."

Gillian perched herself on a bar stool and gave him an impatient kind of smile. Cal answered the call as he walked away again, feeling his chances of making her smile this evening slipping away again. He regretted walking away from her but they both knew Emily was a priority he couldn't and shouldn't ignore.

**PJ**

Gillian played with a coaster while she waited. Then the barman approached and asked if she'd like a drink. Yes, she would quite like a drink. "What's your speciality?"

"Screaming orgasm," the dark haired bartender responded without missing a beat.

A slow smile crawled over Gillian's face. "Sounds really good."

The bartender moved away and collected a glass. "On your back?"

"Why not," Gillian responded with a half shrug. He gave her a self assured grin as he started to pour out measures of Bailey's, Amaretto, Cream and Kahlua. His shirt was tight enough to see the definition of his chest and muscles. He caught her watching and smiled again. Gillian felt a heat rising in her cheeks. Flirting with a bar tender. She felt like she was twenty one again. She was probably at least ten years older than the guy. He presented her drink to her and she gave her thanks warmly. He waited while she tried it. "It's good."

"It should be," he responded and walked away to serve another customer.

Gillian started to feel warm and put it down to the alcohol content. She sipped her drink and waited for Cal to come back. Even sipping the drink it was gone far too soon.

"Can I buy you another?"

Gillian turned to find the man sitting down the end of the bar had approached. He was also dark haired and gave her a friendly smile, the kind of smile that said 'you can trust me, I'm not a bad guy'. Still wondering where the hell Cal was, and quite honestly, annoyed that he had stood her up, she accepted. She liked it a lot better when it was Cal flirting with her. "This time, I think a mojito."

The man signalled the bar tender and he approached. "Two mojitos."

"I'm Gillian."

"Peter," he offered his hand and she shook. His hand was smooth and warm.

"Tell me Peter, what do you do?"

**PJPJPJPJ**


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: M rated chapter._

**PJPJPJPJ**

Emily had called to make sure her father was all right, trapped in his snow storm. But then they had got cut off so Cal had to call her back. A quick check in turned into a fifteen minute conversation. As they were saying goodbye Cal wandered slowly back towards the restaurant. He spotted Gillian at the bar. She was red cheeked and laughing and _flirting_ with a guy! Cal felt a rush of heat in his chest and his daughter's voice cut out of his ears. He left her alone for two bloody minutes and some guy had creeped on in!

"Dad?"

"I have to go. Call you tomorrow," Cal responded abruptly and hung up on her. He strode across the space to the bar and inserted himself between the two.

"Cal," Gillian gave him a smile. "This is Peter."

"I don't give a toss who he is," Cal growled.

The smile disappeared off her face quickly and he saw her nostrils flare in anger. "Don't be rude," she said evenly while staring at him hard.

"I'll leave you guys to it," Peter stood easily from his bar stool. He was six feet tall, a good four inches more than Cal. Cal half ignored him, half moved out of the way so he could leave. Gillian opened her mouth to protest but Peter made a quick exit.

"Well that was incredibly rude."

"He left of his own volition," Cal responded feeling inexplicably hurt.

"Because you basically told him to 'bugger off' with your body language. Wouldn't take an expert to read that," Gillian rolled her eyes and swallowed the last of her drink.

"Are we havin' dinna or what?" Cal wanted to swiftly move the evening back on track.

"I'm not sure I'm hungry anymore," Gillian resisted, looking him pointedly in the eye. She slipped off her bar stool to stand before him.

"Fine then. What are you gonna do?"

"Surprisingly, I don't actually have to tell you my plans," Gillian responded starting to walk around him.

"I'm not gonna come up and find a 'do not disturb' sign on the knob am I?"

"Oh shut up Cal! It was a conversation!" Her eyes flashed in fury.

"Really? Cos it looked like he was all ova you."

"And that's none of your god damn business!" Gillian raised her voice slightly, stepping in to his space. "God!" She turned away to leave as she hissed out that word but a second later she spun back to face him, getting closer still. "You always do this to me. It is _none_ of your business who I talk to."

"You mean, who you sleep with," Cal accused.

"Yes. I mean who I sleep with, or who I spend time with or who I have _relationships_ with!" She barely paused. "Stop acting like a jealous two year old. No other man has ever come between you and me. Not even my husband. So stop acting like I'm going to find someone else and leave you!" She started to walk away.

Cal shoved all of that other stuff aside as took two steps to catch up to her and caught her elbow. He picked up on just one word. "I'm not jealous!"

"You _are_ jealous!" Gillian turned out of his grasp and jabbed a finger in his direction. "I can see it all over your face!"

Cal batted her finger out of the way.

"That's really annoying isn't it?" Gillian accused. "Now maybe you'll understand what it's like for other people to be on the receiving end of it."

Cal was surprised by the intensity of the argument all ready, particularly by her vehemence, but he couldn't back down. It just wasn't in his nature. It wasn't that he wanted to be right...all right, it was that he wanted to be right, but it was also that he wanted to see whatever it was beneath her surface that was making her act this way. She never fought back so obnoxiously. She never fought back so publicly. She usually just seethed and told him off about it later. Or worse, didn't tell him off at all. So he did what he'd been doing for the last six months, acted like a giant dick head to see what kind of reaction he could get out of her.

He got closer to her, accused her of picking up any warm body in the bar, including the bar tender, if it meant she had a warm body to cling to tonight.

**PJ**

She kneed him in the side of the thigh. She had been aiming for his groin but he turned slightly and she missed, but still, the force of it was enough to hurt, and that was fine by her. And the very action of kneeing him in the place she knew would physically hurt him the most... It made her feel good and it did actually help to sooth the insane heat of anger he had ignited in her stomach and, sadly, her groin. She stormed out of the room as he gave a little strangled cry that indicated just how much that had hurt him. She was so angry her hands shook slightly as she pressed the button for the elevator. She was so angry because he was partly right. She really did want a warm body to cling to tonight but not just some random guy she had picked up in a bar, she hadn't done that since she was in college. She wanted someone to love her, unconditionally, like she loved Sophie and like she had loved Burns and even Alec once upon a time.

As she stepped out of the elevator the door to the stairs crashed closed and Cal was there breathing heavily. He must have really moved it to almost beat her up. She turned away from him, hopefully hiding her surprise but probably not, and started to stalk down the corridor. Cal caught up to her easily and attempted to brush past her but she closed the distance and he ended up sprawling into the wall, which meant she got to the room first and was just pushing the door open when he came up behind her and pressed his chest into her back. He was warm, no hot, fiery hot, she could feel it through both layers of their clothing. He shoved her with his chest, forcing her into the room at a much faster pace than she intended so she almost stumbled into the wall. She stuck out a hand to steady herself and recovered before it looked anything more like a nuisance.

"Leave me alone Cal," she requested annoyed. Only one room? For god's sake!

"Oh fuck off!" Cal responded in exasperation. "There is no way eitha of us is leavin' this room until we sort whateva the hell has been between us out."

Gillian's eyes flashed in defiance. "Why don't you get a shrink in here then? Because _I'm_ going to need one to figure your head out."

"My head?" Cal asked incredulously, taking a step towards her. "Your head needs to be shrunk back into perspective. You're the one actin' like a nut job."

"Me a nut job?" Gillian queried back with the same intensity. She got closer to him too, lest she give him the advantage of dominating their space. "What the hell was that spectacular display downstairs then?"

"I could ask the same of you. Not exactly your style, chattin' up strangas in a bar."

Gillian narrowed her eyes at him. "And what the hell would you know about my 'style'." She rabbit eared her fingers in his face. He shoved her hands down and clung on to her wrists and she immediately struggled to get out of his grasp. "God you're such an arrogant bastard. You think you know everything about everyone?"

"I know you!" Cal tried to cut in.

Gillian raised her voice. "No Cal you think you know me but you don't know jack about it!"

"Then why don't you bloody well tell me about it and save us both the trouble!" He yelled back.

Gillian finally slipped her hands free. She gave his shoulders a shove. Cal stepped in closer, closer and closer until she found herself backing up. "Shove me again, and I'll shove you back," he growled at her, his eyes seeming very dark all of a sudden. Gillian rationalised that she should feel afraid, but that fire he'd set in her pelvis flared suddenly and white hot heat seared through her entire body until she could feel her scalp prickle. Logic flew out of her and she grabbed him and kissed him. Cal had his body pressing into her a second later, their tongues in each other's mouths and Gillian couldn't breathe for what felt like a full ten seconds.

**PJ**

Cal pressed her up against the wall and kissed her all ready hot neck. Gillian rubbed her entire body the length of his, chest against chest, pelvis against pelvis, groin against groin, thighs against thighs. "Oh Jesus fuck Cal!" She groaned loudly. Cal bit her neck in surprise at the profanity. Angelic Gillian with a dirty mouth? She squirmed roughly against him in the very little amount of space he allowed her to have without crushing her lungs too, hands tugging roughly at his clothing.

Cal's body throbbed so violently he thought there was every chance he'd drop dead from a heart attack. The way she kissed him was so damn passionate and the heat off her body was driving him wild and the way she moaned and ground against him... he just about went weak at the knees. She dug into his pants first and clasped cool fingers around him and he did go weak at the knees. His head knocked heavily against the wall and he bit down on her shoulder as he dropped a foot. Gillian gave him a shove and he stumbled back, trousers slipping down his thighs, his shirt open and tangling in his arms. She was on him a second later, pushing him again, backwards again, towards the bed. Cal dropped on to it heavily and she climbed into his lap and he was loving that she was being so aggressive. He didn't think it would be like this with her.

Except he wasn't quite on the bed and they fell to the floor in a heap but Gillian didn't stop. Even when Cal tried to get up she just grabbed him and bit his lip hard and shoved his underwear down. He didn't think she would groan her pleasure so ruggedly, would kiss him so roughly, would demand that he fuck her right now.

"Now Cal," she insisted, using her body weight to push him back against the floor. "Mmmm oh god just fuck me right now!"

The more she talked, the more excited Cal got and the more likely he was to respond to her requests. He turned her over, roughly dug under her skirt, feeling his way to underwear and beyond it. He was aware in the back of his mind that they were both still mostly dressed, that they hadn't spent time exploring each other and that this was certainly not making love to her. And they were on the floor. But she kept asking, begging, demanding and he was compelled beyond reason to please her.

"Now!" Gillian called out pulling him closer to her, tugging at his shirt to get him closer. "Fuck me Cal! Fuck me Cal!"

"Oh GOD!" Cal groaned, his voice actually cracking as he slid into her, struggling to get a foothold on anything. His head was swimming, his body pounding and he just couldn't get close enough to her. There were too many clothes in the way. He shoved her skirt up higher and found purchase for his knees on the carpet, balanced his weight and thrust again.

"Oooo-oooooo-oooooooo," Gillian moaned her eyes rolling back in her head. "Go Cal," she whispered. "Fuck me."

Cal found an even better position and set up a fast tempo.

"Yes!" Gillian's hand gripped his bicep. "Just like that! Fuck me!"

Like he needed any more encouragement. In fact he was worried about ending it too soon. But he didn't have any control of this situation whatsoever and so he complied and when she started crying out in 'oh's!' and 'Cal's!' and 'fuck!' he lost it and then had to keep going to make sure she did too.

He rolled away from her, his back flat against the carpet, breathing heavily, wondering what the hell had happened and thinking from that moment on his life wouldn't be the same. Sex changed everything. "Is that what you wanted?" Cal asked. "A good hard shag?"

Gillian's hand shot out to punch him on the front of his shoulder. It wasn't very hard even though it had some force behind it. Then she started giggling. Her giggles turned into laughing and Cal found himself chuckling too. She laughed until she had tears in her eyes and Cal was bewildered. She wiped them away and sat up slightly. She studied him for a moment and then moved in closer. She kissed his neck while she climbed over his waist. "What's your recovery time like Cal?" She kissed his mouth, long, hard, wet. Cal's stomach flip flopped so hard he wondered if she could feel it beneath her. "I want to do it again."

**PJPJPJPJ**


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: M Rated Chapter._

**PJPJPJPJ**

"But can we move to the bed this time?"

Gillian gave a little giggle in the back of her throat as her lips teased his.

"Cos I'm not as young as I used to be," Cal added when she gave him room to breathe.

She sat back and gave him a slight smile. Her cheeks were a little pink and her normally perfect hair was mussed where his fingers had run through it. Her blue eyes shone and Cal thought she looked incredibly sexy in that moment. "Ok," she agreed and slid off him and got to her feet. She reached out a hand to pull him to his feet too. When Cal was standing, his trousers sliding to his thighs, he held on to her hand. He pulled her in close to him, cupping his right hand around the edge of her jaw, ear and into her hair.

He loved the way her eyes came into a sudden intense focus on his and he thought simultaneously about crossing the line and also, if she reacted like that to him now, just wait until he _tried_! He drew her in slowly. Her hands tightened on his arm and around his fingers, and her lips parted slightly in anticipation. Cal pressed his carefully against hers, fit them together so there was only them, no space, no air. Gillian melted in to him a little. Cal took a step backwards, guiding her into position against the bed. He had to grab his pants and hold them up while they moved. Gillian gigged, "Why don't you just take them off?"

Cal gave a smirk in response. "Wouldn't you just love that?" He leaned in to kiss her again. Then he murmured in her ear, "We did it your way, now we're gonna do it my way."

Gillian shivered.

"Are you cold luv?"

Gillian shook her head.

"Cos I want to take your clothes off."

Gillian reached up to the buttons of her shirt.

"Nope," Cal pulled her hands away again. "I said _I_ want to take your clothes off."

Gillian gave him a little huff, as if she thought the idea was silly but Cal ignored her. He started at the bottom and made his way up slowly, focusing on his fingers and what he was doing despite feeling her eyes bore into his. When he reached her breasts he heard her breath hitch but he didn't speed up or slow down. He just casually made his way up to her collarbone, noticing for the first time how high she had buttoned the shirt. Didn't she normally have it a little more open?

Cal slid fingers over her shoulders and brushed the shirt down over her arms. Gillian's lips parted so she could get more oxygen. Cal had never seen her this undressed this close up before. The freckles along her nose and cheeks that she usually hid with make up also spread along her collar bone and shoulders, like stars in the night sky, so, so many. They spread over her elbows too and he turned her arms to check every inch, finding them all and marvelling at these hidden treasures.

He kissed over the same path his hands had taken, her wrists, fingers, back of her hand, up her arm, elbow, to her shoulder, along her collar bone, to her neck and then a deep kiss in which she grabbed him around the shoulders roughly, pressing her body against his. Cal softened the kiss and then gently pushed her backwards. "Not so fast," Cal warned her. "I'm not finished."

Gillian gave a pout but she stayed her ground dutifully. Cal got a little closer. He raised his hands and brushed them over her bra straps. She was wearing sky blue and it brought out the freckles on her skin and the colour of her eyes. Cal knew women who wore sexy underwear on dates to impress guys, to impress him, but somehow he suspected Gillian just wore them to make herself feel good. And that thought was delightfully enticing. He wondered if everything matched, the top half and the bottom half; everything had been so rushed last time he hadn't even had the chance to check.

Cal ran his hands down the back of her shoulders, over her soft skin towards the catch holding her bra closed. He stared down at her breasts thinking he hadn't even gotten the chance to feel them last time. He wondered if she didn't really like her breasts being attended to and decided he was definitely going to explore that. He looked into her eyes and the hungry expression on her face made him smile. He smoothed his hands down further, into the small of her back and she gave a little sigh of impatience. He unzipped her skirt instead and swiftly pushed it down over her hips. Torturing was fun; being the torturee… not so much.

And besides, it wasn't like he had the best self control in the world.

He knelt in front of her, pushing the material of her skirt along the way, brushing purposefully over her thighs, steadying her by the hip as she stepped out of it. Cal felt his heart starting to pound. Her underwear matched her bra and it was slightly askew from the last time they'd had sex. Cal threw her skirt to the side and pressed his face against her right hip. Her fingers threaded into his hair. Cal rubbed his stubbled chin against her skin and she gave a low hum. Cal shifted his mouth, letting his teeth graze across her flesh. She shivered again and Cal grinned. He took hold of the elastic of her underwear with his teeth and tugged it down over her hip to her thigh. Her fingers tightened their grip. Cal repeated the movement on the other side. Gillian's hands shifted to the material, intent on speeding up the process.

"Uh uh," Cal tsked in the back of his throat. "I want to do it." He looked up at her from the floor. She was hard to read in that second, and Cal worried she was having second thoughts. Even if they stopped right now it was too late for that line. Not her line, Cal was talking about the line of common friendship. Gillian removed her hands and gave him a shy kind of smile that was also incredibly sexy and Cal thought he was going to have to hurry up and get himself undressed as well, before it got too painful. And besides, he was all too aware of roles being reversed.

Cal pushed her underwear down with his fingers, smoothing over her calves even after gravity had taken over and the item of clothing had dropped to the floor. He kissed the insides of her knees, feeling up the muscles of her legs and moved higher, up the inside of her thighs eliciting the slightest whimper from her. In absence of just asking her what she liked he was going to have to literally feel his way. With Gillian he knew it would be all right. She would trust him to read the signals properly. Like that little whimper as he moved lips against her thighs. It spurred him on. He was going to stand up again, make her undress him, but all of a sudden that little whimper had him wanting to give her more.

He pressed in against her curls, searching blindly, his hands on the back of her hips to keep her in place. She parted her legs a little further for him, shifting her weight. This time Cal hummed his appreciation, "Good girl." Gillian's fingers tightened in his hair again. And then Cal's mouth was too busy for talking. Her hips pressed tighter against him as her desire built, and her toes curled where she stood. Cal could feel them because his knees were resting against her feet. Her fingers, that had been caressing his skull, suddenly froze. He felt her thighs clench in around him a little, and then a little more, all those signs happened a little more as she got closer and closer. Her breath hitched and switched from a nice smooth rhythm to completely erratic sucks of air.

'_Come on then_,' Cal whispered in his mind while he tried to stop grinning and tip her over the edge. She liked it when he did _this _with his tongue, so Cal did it twice and there she was. Her body convulsed a little and an 'oh!' escaped her lips. Cal kissed along the inside of her thigh again, feeling the heat off her skin and marvelling at how soft she was. He kept his hands on her skin at all times while he stood, smoothing them over her ass, up her back and around her waist, pulling her in to kiss her gently. He wanted to see her face. Her mouth and jaw were relaxed, there was tension between her eye brows, and he could see her eyes shifting around under the lids. Then they snapped open and dark blue eyes gazed heavily at him.

"Your turn," she told him.

Cal nodded. "But one more thing." His hands slid up to her bra and unhooked it expertly, then slowly peeled it off her body. He watched her eyes. There was a little flash of worry. He dropped his head to kiss her neck. "You're beautiful," he whispered against her skin. "You're so damn beautiful." He let his hand slip over her breast. She moaned as Cal brushed over the nipple, delighting that she was letting him feel her up. Her hand tightened around his wrist but she didn't shove him away. After all this time, she was actually letting him touch her this way, instead of him just fantasising about it. And god it was amazing.

"You all right?" Cal murmured near her ear, taking in deep breaths of her scent.

"Uh huh," she gave a slight nod.

"My turn," he whispered.

This time she did give him a little shove back and he was able to take in the full image of her standing before him naked. She pulled her shoulders back a little and tilted her head up, standing straighter, prouder. Cal grinned. Yep, she was damn beautiful. Gillian stepped towards him, her hands raised. She also started with his shirt, carefully undoing the buttons at his wrist before smoothing the material off his shoulders and tugging his arms free of each sleeve. She dropped the clothing carelessly and reached for the undershirt he had on against his skin.

"Up," she demanded gently. Cal lifted his arms obediently. This could be interesting. He wasn't much taller than her but she would still struggled to be able to pull the undershirt off over his arms if they were in the air. She would have to stand on her tip toes again and Cal was looking forward to how her breasts looked while she was doing that. Gillian pulled the shirt from the bottom but instead of tugging it all the way she hooked it behind his head and he was trapped. She gave him a self satisfied smirk as he realised what had happened.

"Hey not fair!" Cal complained.

"Shh," Gillian told him. "No talking."

"But," Cal protested. "I didn't tie you up."

"I said shh," Gillian told him pointedly. She stepped closer, pressing her chest against his as she kissed him deeply. "Besides, I think my self control is greater than yours."

Cal was breathing heavily as she pulled away again. She was probably right. He bent his elbows, testing the limits of his bindings. He was pretty sure he could rip the shirt down the middle, and what would he care? He had a million more of them. But in the back of his mind he wanted to see what she would do and he had to concede that she had indulged him in his game; he had to be patient through hers.

Gillian helped steady Cal to step out of his trousers too and peeled off his socks and they both laughed a little as he had to hop around to keep his balance. It was amazing how vocal she'd been before and now so quiet. The room was so quiet. And Cal only noticed it when they broke out of the little bubble around them, when his focus was taken away from her. He probably wouldn't have noticed if the hotel was burning down around him, she was so hypnotising.

He felt a little nervous as she reached for his underwear. This was different. This was standing there before her, showing her everything of him, giving her all of him, showing her all his scars; he wasn't entirely proud of all of them. His body quivered as she tucked her fingers inside the elastic. She looked up at him from her knees while she peeled back his boxer briefs. The one day he decided to wear them. He was usually a briefs man. She gave an 'mmm' of delight as he was exposed and he felt himself stand a little prouder. She pushed his underwear down over his thighs and shuffled in closer.

"But don't make me cum," Cal requested looking down at the top of her head.

She looked up at him with a slight smile. "I know. You're no good to me then." She grinned and Cal chuckled again and then just about died when she closed her hot mouth around him. His first instinct was to put his hands in her soft hair. But they were caught around his shoulders and so he twitched and almost doubled over but could do nothing else. "Ahhh Jesus fuck," he moaned. He felt Gillian smile around him. Then he had to focus on breathing properly lest he hyperventilate and collapse on her completely.

Cal concentrated on her tongue and the firm graze of her teeth and her hands kneading the muscles in his back, thighs and ass. And then thoughts crept in like, 'this was Gillian with her mouth on his…' and 'damn she was good at that' and 'I can't believe Gillian is on her knees with her mouth…' He started to feel twitchy and fought his way out of the undershirt. He threaded his fingers through her soft hair, pressing over her scalp. "Gillian," he murmured. His breathing was hard, his heart beating furiously and his body feeling so warm with shots of electricity firing up and away from his groin and being drawn back down to it at the same time.

"I know," she whispered pulling away from him. Her hands smoothed up his arms as she got to her feet and Cal's hands pulled her up by the elbows. They fell into a kiss straight away and turned towards the mattress simultaneously. Cal was mesmerised that they were so in sync. She seemed to want to touch him exactly where he wanted to be touched. And knew how to touch him, with what amount of pressure, and how far to push it. It was just crazy. Almost scary. And yet delightful. It felt so right. Being with her felt just so damn right. He had no regrets whatsoever.

Gillian stroked him, as if to encourage him to hold on, until she was lying back against the mattress and Cal was over her, smoothing over and kissing her breasts and neck and mouth. Then she guided him to her, almost pulling him; demanding. They stopped kissing because neither of them could get enough air. Cal pushed into her slowly, making up for the rush of last time, and savouring every inch of feeling being inside her created. She arched her neck up towards him. She sucked in a sharp breath and her eyes fluttered at him and her cheeks suddenly flushed and oh god it was just so damn hot!

"Damn Gillian, you're so beautiful, you know that?" Cal murmured. He kissed her neck and moved his hips against her. "So beautiful," he whispered.

Gillian let rip a moan and her fingers dug simultaneously into his bicep and ass as she tensed up. Then whatever it was passed and her eyes were watching him again. Their hips moved back and forth like a gently rocking boat. Gillian gave a sigh. "Tell me again," she whispered. "I love the sound of your voice. Tell me again."

Cal leaned down again, pressing his stomach flat against hers. He caressed his lips against the edge of her jaw and then whispered in her ear, "You're the most beautiful woman I know."

She sighed and arched her chest against him. "Touch me," she requested. Cal obliged and she moaned again, her fingers tightening again, and Cal sped up the tempo a notch, his own excitement building to the point of no return. "Tell me again," she whispered.

"You're very demandin' aren't you?" Cal murmured. He kissed her. But it was short because he could barely catch his breath. It was enough to stop her from answering though. "I love it," he added. "I love it," he said again when what he meant was '_I love you_.' He kissed her neck, into the hollow of her throat then her breasts and anywhere else he could reach without breaking his stride.

Gillian's hands smoothed over his skin and periodically gripped when she was struck with a shock of desire. Then her head tilted back against the bed and she groaned loudly. "Oh Cal!" And he knew she was getting close.

"Wait," he told her gently. "Wait for me."

"I can't!"

"I want to do it togetha."

"Uhhhh," she breathed at him. "Then hurry up!"

Cal chuckled. "I love that you're so demandin' in bed. It's incredibly sexy."

Gillian's eyes shone and she gave a slight smile and then just to throw her out of the moment of lucidity Cal thrust into her suddenly harder and faster. Her back arched, a frown fell on her face and an 'ooohhhh god!' moaned out of her mouth. "Yes!" She cried. "Faster!"

Cal grinned. This was still his game after all. They were still going to do this his way, no matter how many demands she made. He was acutely aware of her fingers digging into his flesh, of his heart pounding and his body building to climax. "Now," he told her, looking down on her flushed face, the pleasure etched into her features. "Let go now," he coaxed.

"Oh Cal!" She cried out again and almost seemed to try and shove him away as she caved. Her entire body convulsed and Cal lost it a second later and just about fell on top of her it was so powerful. He was pretty sure the entire earth had just shifted on its axis. That's what it felt like. Gillian squirmed beneath him for a long time, maybe twice, Cal couldn't tell, he couldn't keep track; he could barely keep track of himself. And then his focus came back and he realised they weren't even moving anymore and he was gulping in air. He felt like he had checked out for a second and everything rushed back into place all at once. He was aware of her hands on him again, of her lying beneath him, her body warm, sweat glistening off her flushed skin, her beautiful blue eyes closed but peaceful, her lungs slowing down in their effort to re-oxygenate her muscles.

"Mmmm your way was better," Gillian hummed happily.

"I dunno," Cal shifted. "I'm a big fan of your way too."

Gillian turned glittery blue eyes on him. She gave a slight smile as she realised he was teasing her. She reached over and kissed him gently, almost lazily. "That wasn't my real way."

"Ooooh," Cal breathed. "Then I'm lookin' forward to you showin' me the real way."

She gave an almost embarrassed smile.

"In the mornin'," Cal added. The smile turned into a smug one but she didn't answer. '_Please don't regret this in the mornin'_.' He wanted to push it, to get an answer out of her one way or the other, a promise. But he sensed it was still racing around her own mind, what they had just done. Twice. And so he shifted a pillow under his head and waited while she debated over lying in his arms. Somehow it seemed important for her to want it, not for him to coax it. Everything looked different in the cold light of a winter morning. Cal just hoped that she wouldn't push him away in the dawn. '_Please don't regret this in the mornin'_.'

Gillian turned and Cal was almost disappointed but then she lowered herself into his arm, her back pressed up against his chest, the small of her back against his stomach, her ass against his groin; a perfect fit. She used his upper arm as a pillow and Cal snuggled his nose into her hair and draped his other arm over her waist. Her fingers threaded into his over the back of his hand and Cal smiled, content, warm and so relieved.

**PJPJPJPJ**


	4. Chapter 4

**PJPJPJPJ**

Cal woke with thoughts of winter and snow. He was cold and then he found a warm body nearby and turned into it, pressing in as close as he could get. The body gave a little hum and fingers found their way over his arm and into the crook of his neck. Cal wrapped an around her back, pressing her in tightly against his chest and ducked and shifted so his head was pressed against her collar bone.

"Hello," the body murmured.

"Hello," Cal responded. Gillian! Oh yeah, he remembered everything now. They were silent for a moment. "_Hello_," he sang back, the word triggering a song that Emily had played on repeat once. It was a nice mellow change from the old school Ramones and the Clash, not that he was complaining about the Romans, Clash or even Led Zepplin. "_Tell me you know, you've figured me out_."

Gillian gave a sleepy laugh.

"_Something_," Cal hummed the next line and then cleared his throat. "_It would be such a beautiful moment_." He kissed her throat. "_To see that look on your face_." He kissed her again and her chin tilted down to look him in the eye. "_To know that, I know that you know nooow_."

She smiled slightly, her blue eyes still a little foggy; from sex or sleep?

"_That's a case of my wiiiiishfuuuuul thiiiiiinkiiiiiiiiiiing_," Cal continued rolling away from her. Her eyes followed him. "_Yoooooooou. Know. Nothing_." Gillian shifted on to her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows. Her hair was pillow mussed and the fogginess in her eyes cleared. She gave him a slight smile and leaned forward to kiss him. "_You and I_," Cal sung lowly against her mouth. "_We go carrying on, for hours on end_."

Gillian giggled and pulled away to see him. Cal gave her a slight smile. He felt incredibly gooey on the inside. This was by far the best morning after he had ever woken up from. Because it was her. Gillian.

"_We get along, much better than you and your boyfriend_," Cal sung cheekily and rolled off the mattress. He threw the tangled sheet away from his legs as he got up. He heard Gillian give a little huff from behind him. As he moved around the bed she turned over on to her back again, holding the bed sheet up against her chest.

"_Well all I really want to do is love yoooooou. A kind much closer than friends use_," he hummed again as he picked up clothes from the floor and tossed them on the bed. He didn't dare look at her during those lines. "_And all I really want from you is to feel me_," he straightened up again. "_As the feeling inside keeps building_." She gave a slight smile. Cal was all too aware of the fact that he was naked. Not that he was ashamed of how he looked. "_How long_." He found his underwear. "_Can I go on like this_," he slipped them on. "_Wishin' to kiss you_," he crawled over the mattress towards her. She giggled again and clasped her hands around his face as he came in close to press his lips against hers. "_Before I. Rightly exploooooooooooode_."

Gillian laughed and her mirth shook the bed. Cal grinned. She pulled him in close again for another kiss, this one a little bit more daring. When they broke apart she fixed him with a pointed expression. "I'm so hungry."

Cal raised his eyebrows. "I guess we didn't eat last night."

"No!" Gillian groaned.

"Well at least you had two cocktails."

"Hey," her eyes darkened and she gave his arm a slap.

"What!" Cal exclaimed. "There was nothin' rude in that." Gillian tried to pout over a smile. Cal grinned. "Only what you make of it."

"Ok enough," she pushed on his shoulder to get him to move. Cal sat back on his haunches. "Go and get me coffee."

"You go and get me coffee," Cal retorted.

Gillian groaned and covered her face with her hands. "I don't think we can show our faces downstairs after last night."

"That's what room service is for," Cal responded.

"You call them. I'll call the airline and see if we can fly out of the storm yet."

Cal didn't have to ask Gillian what she wanted for breakfast; he had known her eight years. She was a fresh fruit and yogurt kid of woman, but he definitely got her coffee and muesli just in case she wanted to line her stomach with something a little more substantial. Cal opted for scrambled eggs and bacon on toast. He hung up before her and threw himself back down on the mattress. She steadfastly ignored him, even when he started humming that song again. She said 'thank you' a lot and 'yes' and hung up smiling.

"Good news then?" Cal asked.

"Yes. We can fly out mid morning."

"Great," Cal responded even though it felt anything but. Going back meant… going back and facing what they'd done, it meant going back and dealing with the consequences, it meant having a conversation about 'last night' that Cal was pretty sure he didn't want to have. Better to hold on to the fantasy of Pittsburgh and waking up with her in his arms and being able to see her naked and having her let him make love with her. "Food's on its way up."

"Great," Gillian echoed. Her expression was suddenly wary and Cal felt a little jolt of panic, that they were about to have 'that conversation' right now. But she didn't. "What were you singing earlier?"

"A song."

She gave a half smile. "Oh is that what that was? I wondered if you were in pain."

Cal gave her a sardonic smirk. He shifted to get up but she caught his wrist and pulled him back. "I was just kidding!" She leaned on his shoulder and planted a quick kiss on his lips. "I love the song and you're voice."

"Mmm," Cal mused. "I rememba you tellin' me last night."

Gillian went a little red and pulled away from him. "I'm going to have a shower while we wait for breakfast."

'_Excellent_,' Cal thought. He'd give her five minutes to get in and then join her. Oh no, he couldn't. He had to answer the door. Gillian took the bed sheet with her as she moved to her suitcase and Cal watched, lying in the middle of the bed, with nothing on but his boxer-briefs, as she steadfastly ignored him while picking out clean underwear and it looked like jeans and a red top. He liked her in red.

As the water started to run there was a light tap on the door. Cal pulled on a clean t-shirt from his own case as he crossed the room. He greeted the porter cheerfully and tipped him even though he thought it stupid that they were charged a tray fee for the privilege of having food brought up to their room and then the person who brought it up expected a little something on top of that too… The smell of food had Cal's stomach in knots before the door had even closed again. As sweet of him as it would have been to wait for Gillian he couldn't. He was frigging starving! He wolfed down the meal in less than five minutes and immediately felt better.

He headed over to the bathroom door. It was open a crack so he pushed it a little further. From there he could see Gillian standing under the stream of water. The sight of her completely naked and wet had blood rushing to his shorts. He couldn't help but marvel. She was just so damn beautiful. He'd known that before, of course he had. But seeing her like this, seeing her asleep and in the most vulnerable of moments when she was completely open to him… it drove him insane all over again. '_All I really want to do is love you_.'

Just as Cal sang the line in his head Gillian started humming the tune. He smiled. They had been doing that so often lately. Gillian turned and spotted him. Ca pushed the door open even further so she could see all of him. She looked surprised for a split second. Then Cal realised where her hand was and he was surprised. But she didn't look embarrassed and that turned him on even more. Gillian's hand shot out and turned the water off. Then she climbed over the edge of the bath and stood right in front of him, staring him in the eye while she slipped a hand under his t-shirt and beneath his underwear. Cal shivered and reached out his hands to touch her; she moaned. Then she crashed her lips onto his and he was backing up towards the bed again.

Gillian whipped his t-shirt off over his head and shoved him down on the mattress. Then she climbed into his lap and kissed down his chest. Then she bit down his chest and he just about bucked her onto the mattress next to him. How did she know what he liked? Had she been swapping notes with Zoe? She couldn't possibly be reading him could she? Cal gave a groan and tightened his hands on her hips. "Do you like that?" Gillian murmured against his chest. She lifted her head to look at him. Stupefied, Cal could only nod. She gave a self satisfied smirk. She dropped her head again to tease a nipple with her tongue. Cal threw his head back and groaned again. He heard Gillian laugh lightly. She pushed down on him with her hips and Cal couldn't stand it anymore. He turned her over roughly.

"Hey!" She protested. Cal smothered the rest of whatever she was going to say with a kiss that left them both breathless. Hands fought over each other to cover as much skin as possible. Their legs tangled and they reached the point where Cal wasn't sure where he ended and she began. Cal concentrated on her breasts and neck, where she seemed to like him the most, and avoided her knees, because she didn't seem to like that at all. Every touch of his tongue and fingers, the reaction she gave, he filed away for later reference. She seemed to like his tongue a lot, no matter where he put it.

"Mmm stop it!" Gillian murmured.

"Huh?" Cal was confused. His fingers froze up where they were inside her, his tongue halting on her breast.

She pressed on his shoulder. "Yes stop it," she repeated gently. She kept pushing until she turned him over on his back again. "You had your turn. Now it's my turn." She pushed down on him, sliding slowly and watching his face while Cal's muscles seized up from the sensation; it felt so good it was almost painful. She gave a very slow sexy smile that had Cal gulping for air. It took him a few seconds to compose himself again. "You all right?" She asked innocently, but Cal could see she was also breathing rapidly and her skin had flushed red.

He nodded vigorously. "Go." Gillian's smile broadened as she leaned down towards him again, kissing him as she started to move and it was all on again. Cal smoothed his hands up her back to her shoulders. He threaded the fingers of his left hand into her hair, holding her in place, keeping her close. He didn't like to just lie idly by. He stroked her thigh gently with his right hand. A groan escaped her lips first. Cal grinned. Gillian shifted her head back slightly and her hair fell into her face. Cal shifted his left hand to hold it back. Her eyes were closed. She pushed herself back up in a sitting position with her hands on his chest. Cal moved his left hand to her other thigh. And now that she was sitting up, her pelvis wasn't pressed flush against his and he could reach other areas of her body too. Her hand shot to his wrist and her eyes flew open in shock; she bit her bottom lip and then gave him that sexy little smile of hers that he was loving so much. He bucked his hips into her from beneath and she titled her head back, exposing the length of her neck to him and he wanted nothing more to get in there and kiss and caress.

Normally, he loved this position. He could see everything of a woman as they worked but not with Gillian. With her it was different. He wanted to be close to her. He wanted to hold her as tightly as he could. When she sat back like that he could barely reach her. And he was a man of action, he didn't like to just sit by and let things happen to him. "Cal," she breathed. Her fingers tightened against his stomach.

"Yes luv."

"You can do it now."

Cal sat up slightly and turned her carefully. She held on to his arms as they shifted, not breaking contact, keeping close. Cal moved against her slowly and she sighed. "Faster," she whispered.

"Nope," Cal responded. "My turn." Gillian gave a funny groan of disgust at that idea. Cal ignored her and continued his gentle kissing and caressing of her neck while trying not to grin too hard at the way she tried to squirm away from him, as if she could deny him. And then he realised they had done it again! Had the same thought at the same time. He wanted to be on top of her and a split second later she was requesting the same thing. He stopped all together and gazed down at her in wonderment.

Her eyes focused on his almost instantly. "What?" She asked sharply.

Cal blinked, took a deep breath. This woman was so amazing. Gillian tapped his arm impatiently but her expression softened a little. "What?" She repeated gently.

Cal swallowed. "Nothin'," he murmured and dropped his head to kiss her again. It went straight to his groin and he twitched involuntarily.

Gillian moaned against his mouth. "Faster. Please Cal?" He complied and she hissed out a 'yesss!' of delight. Cal moved faster still. "Harder," she requested and he did that for her too because now all he could think about was taking her to 'that' place, making her feel 'that' good, as if he could repay to her how she made him feel by just being her.

Her hands tightened on his upper arms and her eyes closed and a little furrow of concentration built between her eyebrows as her body prepared to climax. Cal could feel her muscles tensing, could hear the rush of air, her lungs skipping a few breaths as she started to lose control entirely. "Uuuhhhh fuck!" She cursed as she fell. Her head came up off the bed and Cal was there waiting for her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her to him as he felt every inch of her body rocketing with desire. "Oh Cal," she whimpered almost as if she were in agony. And that's how Cal was starting to feel, like he was in absolute agony with the sheer desire of wanting her, of being with her, of wanting so much more but feeling as if this were the limit.

Cal climaxed as the last vestiges of Gillian's was dying away and he fell into her this time and she held him, caressed his neck as he fought to regain himself. _'All I want to do is love you'._ He wasn't going to miss his chance, he promised himself. He would tell her everything, confess to everything.

"Cal?"

"Yes luv," his voice sounded strained against her shoulder.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes," he said with a bit more confidence. He pushed himself up and way from her. She looked up at him with slight amusement. "You sure?" She asked before he nodded and she let him go so he could lie on the bed next to her. He found the bed sheet and covered her skin before she could shiver.

They lay a long time apart and then Cal turned into Gillian and wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed his face into her neck. She gave a slight laugh. "I'm great," Cal finally answered her. "How are you doin'?"

"Hmm," she responded. Cal lifted his head to catch the tail end of a smile and something else in her eyes that had him afraid. Then her eyes focused on his and softened into warmth. She patted his arm and opened her mouth to say something and then her eyes clouded over, worry formed in her forehead and she sat up, pushing him away. "Oh god!" She turned her head to look at the digital clock on the bedside table. "We're going to miss our flight!"

"When is it?"

"Half an hour."

"We can still make it."

"No," Gillian shook her head. "I haven't even packed or showered."

"Or eaten," Cal finished spotting the breakfast tray across the room.

"Oh god I'm starving!" Gillian groaned as if she had forgotten all about it.

"Well you eat, I'll showa and we can be outta here in fifteen minutes."

"Cal," Gillian fixed him with an unimpressed expression. "Really?"

"Well what do you wanna do? Drive home?" He gave a slight pause and grinned wickedly. "Or stay anotha night?"

Gillian blushed a little and it was just so damn cute! "Drive home I guess."

Cal shifted to the edge of the bed. He retrieved her breakfast. "All right then. You eat. I'll showa."

"K," Gillian agreed softly.

When Cal emerged again Gillian was lying on the bed with her eyes closed, the sheet up around her chest but tucked under her arms and she reminded him of Snow White, except with different coloured hair. He quirked his head to study her but she didn't shift. He crossed the room to his case and found clean briefs. Then he slipped into jeans and was starting to wonder if she really was asleep. He got closer, carefully removing the breakfast tray and setting it on the floor. "Gill?" He asked gently.

"Yes Cal?"

He smiled. "Are you asleep?"

"If I was asleep would I be talking to you?"

"I dunno, I've had some amazin' convasations with birds when they're asleep."

Her eyes flew open and she threw out a hand to strike his arm in the elbow. It caved on him and he collapsed half on her and half onto the bed. "Ow. Hey!" Cal protested into her stomach and picked himself up again.

"I was napping," Gillian explained. "But now it's time for my shower. And you pack," she pointed a finger at him.

"All right," Cal conceded. He shifted to let her get up. She scooted to the edge of the bed. Cal started singing again. The song was rolling around and around in his mind this morning. "_This double life I lead isn't healthy for me. In fact it makes me nervous_." She gave him a slight smile over her shoulder. "_All I really want to do is love you!"_ Cal raised his voice, opening his mouth to the ceiling. Gillian giggled and Cal quickly leapt over the mattress to wrap his arms around her. "_A kind much closer than friends use_," he pulled her in against his chest. Because she was wrapped up in the bed sheet again, he couldn't exactly waltz her around the room but he swayed to the rhythm of his heart beat as he sang. "_All I really want from you is to feel me. As the feeling inside keeps building. And I will find a way to you if it kills me_."

Gillian pressed her face into his neck and sighed. "Keep going," she requested gently.

Cal hummed for a moment until he found the next lines. He was amazed how much of the song had stuck in his head. "_If I should be so bold I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand."_ It was probably because the words hadn't really meant a lot to him until he started to think about how they applied to Gillian. "_Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man_." He'd just thought the melody was sweet and so he hadn't minded Emily playing it on repeat for almost two days straight after she had broken up from… oh god, who was it? Dick, no, Rick? She'd quite liked him. Cal hummed the next lines but said them in his head: '_But I never said a word, I guess I'm gonna miss my chance_ again'. He didn't want to think about that about as much as he didn't want Gillian to think about it either. He didn't want to miss his chance now that it was literally right here in his arms.

'_If it kills me_.'

**PJPJPJPJ**


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: M rated chapter_

**PJPJPJPJ**

Cal drove. Because they had had to swap out the little Toyota for something the rental company wanted returned to their office in Virginia. It was a manual and Gillian couldn't drive a stick. Gillian had quite honestly been aroused since they got in the car and had driven off. Ever since she realised she was about to spend several hours alone in a small space with Cal. All she could think about was how he smelt and how his fingers seemed to have a mind of their own when they were on her body. Every time he changed gears her eyes were drawn to his hands and she remembered exactly how they felt on her skin. And then inevitably her eyes would trail up his arm to his face and sometimes he would moisten his lips as he watched the road and she would think about his tongue and exactly what _that_ did to her.

By the time they were an hour out of Pittsburgh on the I70 she was tense with remembering the glassy look in his eyes while they were in the middle of making love. The hungry predatory expression on his face when he walked in on her in the shower had a tension building in her pelvis. The sweet softness of him holding her afterwards almost had her squirming in her seat. They hadn't talked much in the last few hours while getting ready to leave and up until this point right now, but she could hear the rough gravel of him singing softly to her after they had woken up. And then the sexy hoarseness as he gained confidence. The cute smile on his lips, the glow in his eyes, the sweetness of the words and frivolity of the melody. God damn he was so sexy. She had thought he was sexy when he was married and then when he wasn't. She had thought he was sexy when she was married and even more when she wasn't.

Cal cleared his throat gently and Gillian almost flinched. She was driving herself in sane she knew; Cal wasn't doing anything but driving the car. But she was having such a hard time keeping her hands off him. Jealousy was ugly on Cal. It did not shade him in the right colour at all and she had been so angry that he was doing it again, pulling the same stupid stunts, the same stupid shit, when all he had to do was just make a move. She had wanted to show him that she really was his, if he'd just have her. So she did. Then he did. And then they did again. And now it was all she could think about.

Gillian rolled her neck, finally unable to stand the tense set of her muscles. She needed to change the subject in her head. Maybe she should go over all the reasons why fucking Cal was a completely insane idea? Because there were certainly a few good reasons that could really …

Cal reached out a hand and slid it behind her neck, rubbing his fingers firmly across her flesh. "Ooh that feels good," Gillian murmured despite herself. She glanced over at him watching her, that dark heady look in his eyes that made her groin throb. "But can you watch the road?" She was proud of herself for even being able to form coherent sentences.

Cal turned his eyes back to the asphalt. But he kept his hand on her and moved it lower to the shoulder he could reach and she didn't have the heart or much inclination at all to shrug it off. After a half minute Gillian felt her shoulder drop into relaxation. After another half minute she suddenly announced she wanted him to pull over. She couldn't stand it any longer.

"I can't just stop the car!" Cal complained.

"Yes you can! There!" She pointed out a rest area sign. Cal slowed and indicated and pulled the car on to the gravel track leading into the trees. Gillian's body quivered with the anticipation. The snow was all around and they could see quite clearly that no one else was there even before they emerged into the clearing; there were no track marks from other vehicles.

"What's the problem?" Cal started to ask as he pulled on the hand break. Gillian released the catch of her seatbelt and fell on him, her lips smothering his mouth desperately. She felt Cal's torso seize up in surprise and delight. She kissed him hungrily and smoothed her hands down the front of his shirt, over his nipples, which only served to aggravate the twitchiness of his stomach more. She could _feel_ it beneath his clothes. Cal's foot slipped off the clutch as he turned towards her slightly and the car leaped forward before jerking into a stall. With the engine gone and the battery no longer powering the heat the only sound that fell upon them was heavy breathing. Gillian reached down for the seat release and pushed him backwards by his arm and then climbed into his lap. "You've done this before," he murmured sounding excited.

"Yep," she smiled as she kissed him again. Her head touched the roof creating an uncomfortable angle for the both of them. She ran her fingers through his hair and then reached for the release on the side of his seat, to tip him backwards.

Even through his jeans Gillian could feel Cal's excitement and it only served to fuel hers. She hadn't had this much sex in a twenty-four hour period since she was in college. And to be fair, that had been two different guys; not at the same time though… She was impressed Cal was keeping up with her sex drive; lesser guys, like Alec, and compared to Cal he was certainly a lesser man, would fend her off and complain that they were tired. Weren't men supposed to be up for it twenty-four/seven? Cal certainly seemed to be and she was grateful for that, because she just didn't seem to be able to get enough of him right now. She even shoved aside the nagging voice in her head that warned the more she led him on, the harder it was going to be to talk sense into him later.

Yep, Cal was certainly a willing participant. More than willing. In the cramped confines of the car he still managed to make her curse and squirm and cry out uncontrollably. It was almost like shagging, to borrow from his phrase book, an entirely different person. He was considerate and so sweet and utterly unselfish and unegotistical. Those things weren't in absentia, it was just like the perfect blend. He whispered what she knew to be heartfelt endearments and when she returned them he puffed up in pride with a massive grin and took it no further. In the middle of it, Gillian remembered wondering why he wasn't like this with her all the time. Why couldn't he do it? Was he just being like this because he had finally gotten his leg over?

"Gillian darlin'," Cal murmured between her kisses, while his hands made patterns on her thighs. "Perfect decision to wear a dress today."

"Not that I had this in mind," she responded licking his ear and then sucking on the lobe. She loved the way he twitched beneath her.

"Really glad we chose not to fly," Cal added with a grunt as she bit.

God his skin was so hot! And oooohhhh his hands were hotter. "Not that this was the reason why," Gillian retorted.

Cal grinned. "Wasn't this entirely the reason why?"

Gillian swatted him lightly as she straightened up again. None of this has been what she'd had in mind at all. She finished undoing his jeans and stroked him perfectly and suddenly the sight of him hard before her made her own groin's throbbing border on the uncomfortable.

"Although, we could have joined the mile high club," Cal continued helping to frantically shift her underwear out of the way.

"What makes you think I haven't all ready joined?" Gillian moved over him, bracing her hands on Cal's shoulders.

"Somethin' about bein' a good girl," Cal moaned as she slid down onto him carefully, his hands guiding the way.

"Never said I was a good girl Cal."

"Too bloody right," Cal bucked into her from below and knocked loose her grip on his shoulders. She collapsed on to his chest. So while she was there she undid the button on his polo shirt and kissed the skin she found. "Beginnin' to wonda," Cal continued, his voice strained with desire. He bucked his hips again and Gillian bit down on his flesh in response.

"When did you join the mile high club?" Cal groaned breathlessly, his hands bracing her hips as they moved slowly.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I would actually," Cal retorted. "Helps with the fantasy."

Gillian couldn't help but smile. He was always so good at making her smile. Even when she didn't want to. "You fantasise about me?"

"Course I bloody do," Cal's breath was getting more ragged. Music to Gillian's ears. She pressed a kiss to his lips and sped her movement up a little. "Were you in college?" Cal couldn't resist a guess.

"Stop talking!" Gillian requested sharply.

"Are you concentrating?"

"Yes," she breathed.

Cal chuckled. "I love it when you concentrate, you get this little," he raised a hand to her face.

She batted the hand away. "Stop it."

"Would you prefer I talked about somethin' else?"

"I would prefer you didn't talk at all," Gillian huffed because she really _was_ trying to concentrate. She was concentrating on blocking out that voice that was telling her she shouldn't be doing this. Not only was shagging in the car so very high school and displaying her lack of self restraint, which was embarrassing; they could get caught! Any minute, any second, someone could drive in and spot them. What if a state trooper pulled up? She was supposed to be respectable, responsible...

"Gill," Cal's voice was gentle.

She focussed on him; that sexy hungry look was in his eye again, and it made her stomach quiver. "Gillian," he said again, his accent rolling the vowels in her name into a heat in her chest. "Come here," he murmured. Gillian responded like he had a piece of string tied to her heart and had given it a tug. She leaned forward again, resting her arms on his chest and let him kiss her tenderly, so tenderly.

"Mmmm Cal," she murmured against his mouth.

"Tell me," he coaxed.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me you love this."

She hadn't expected that and it threw her off her rhythm. Cal's hands were there, on her hips, moving with his. He gave a growl that made her shiver again. "Tell me," he insisted, a low voice in her ear.

"I love this," she whispered feeling her face heat. He could probably request anything of her right now.

"I love how naughty you are. How very sexy," Cal breathed.

"Ohhh," Gillian moaned.

"Such a sexy woman," Cal tried again.

Gillian felt a thrill run through her. She moaned again, slipped the fingers of her right hand under his shirt. His skin was fiery hot. And he smelt so damn good. There was no way to describe it; probably because her ability to form proper sentences was rapidly departing. He smelt like Cal but a hundred times stronger and it was warm and sexy and comforting and exciting all rolled into one.

"Sexiest woman I know," Cal murmured against her neck. "And you smell fuckin' amazin'. It's drivin' me crazy."

"Oh god!" The thrills his voice was creating started to build into one.

"See? You do love it when I talk to you," Cal whispered his lips feather light against her skin. Gillian didn't have words to complain to his ego. "I can feel you're about to cum."

Gillian groaned loudly, giving in to the desperate desire of her body. "Yes," she forced out.

"Go ahead," Cal suggested. "I want you to."

"Come with me," Gillian whispered in his ear. "Come with me."

Cal gave a grunt. She could feel his hands tighten on her hips, pulling her forward slightly, before he sat up. Gillian had no choice but to move with him. She could feel the steering wheel against the back of her hips. Cal shifted an arm around her back, holding her tightly and it was logical for Gillian to wrap her arms around his neck. This way, their bodies were pressed tightly against each other.

This way, they weren't just fucking in the car anymore but were almost making love.

Cal kept her close and both of them completely balanced, which afterward, Gillian thought quite impressive considering he wasn't holding on to anything but her. He kept her steady as she ground down against him and realised she could rub herself over the edge. She also realised they barely spent any time on foreplay and yet she was still so ridiculously turned on, it was beyond all reason.

This was beyond all reason.

"So bloody sexy," Cal murmured roughly as if she needed help 'getting there'. It was like he was in her head, like they had been doing this for months, days even; not mere hours. He all ready knew her words, the words she had never told Alec about because she hadn't known they existed. They were words it had taken the both of them years to find; and Cal had found them in less than twenty four hours.

It hadn't even been twenty four hours yet!

"Cal I can't," she spluttered feeling her body spiral out of control and not being able to get enough air.

"It's all right," he whispered back. "It's all right, let me feel it."

So Gillian let go, not that she had much of a realistic grip anyway. She dropped her head to his shoulder and breathed in deeply, while the wave of desire raced through her, and paralysed everything but the thundering of her heart. After a while she realised Cal was waiting for her. She was aware of the weight of now gentle hands on her thighs and they were as horizontal as they were going to get, leaning against the seat she had reclined. She could hear birds and the distant rush of traffic on the Interstate. And the windows were fogged up. All of them.

"Are you all right?" Cal asked gently.

"Yes," Gillian breathed. She straightened herself up. He looked up at her with dark expectant eyes. "Did you?" She asked because she had gotten lost within herself and forgot to keep track.

"Of course I did."

Gillian did a terrible job of hiding a smile as she shifted off him. She knocked the horn with her knee and laughed slightly in embarrassment. Several birds took to flight from the trees around them. "I'd have to say these sports crossovas really are quite roomy," Cal commented casually as they straightened themselves out again.

Gillian sighed and pulled her dress down over her thighs again. "Thought I might make it home with the last of my clean undawear," Cal continued, shimmying his trousers down his legs. "Guess I was wrong."

Gillian wondered if he was trying to elicit a comment out of her. Except she didn't know what to say. She decided she didn't really want to be wearing her underwear for the next two hours either. A shower would be good about now. Sex in the car might be exciting but it wasn't practical. Not when home was several hours away. Maybe a motel would be a good idea. Separate rooms though.

"Shall we go?" Gillian prompted.

Cal zipped his jeans back up. He leaned forward slightly. "Gonna need a minute luv," he responded. Gillian thought he meant to slip his shoes back on, but he turned the key in the ignition instead, engaging the battery. He readjusted the vents to blast air on the windscreen.

'_Right_,' Gillian thought. '_Now he's practical_.' And then a far more mortifying thought. "Oh god Cal!"

"What?" He looked over at her with only mild alarm as he slipped his right shoe back on.

"We just…"

'_Fucked each other stupid_,' a gleeful voice finished in her head.

Gillian sighed again. "We didn't use protection." She felt embarrassed saying it. Not only had it been a really long time since she'd had to have this conversation, she had always, always kept her head long enough to think about being safe. And then, she also never thought she'd have to have this conversation with Cal.

"Oh I'm sorry luv," he said softly. "I didn't even think." He slipped his left shoe on and straightened up again. He watched her as he absently reached for the lever on his seat. It snapped up right again. He did look mildly concerned. "I'm sorry…. I…"

Gillian stopped him with a sigh, "me too."

"Well I haven't been with any strangas," Cal started.

'_How does that even help_?' Gillian thought but what she said was: "What about Wallowski?" She felt very much like a girlfriend with a claim on him but she wasn't. And he could sleep with whom he wanted. Couldn't he?

Cal chuckled. "Wallowski isn't a stranga."

"Right," Gillian agreed feeling foolish and accusing and merely wanting to fill in a response.

"I neva slept with Wallowski," Cal added gently.

Gillian locked eyes with him. "You didn't?"

Cal shook his head.

"What about Clara and Poppy and Zoe?" Gillian reeled off the names she knew about. She wasn't sure about Naomi and she'd have no idea if there had been others.

"Yes I did sleep with them and I made sure I was protected and all."

Gillian looked away, out at the silent snow.

"I get checked fairly regularly if that helps. You neva can be too sure," he added quietly.

Gillian hated that she could feel his eyes on her. She was sure the heat in her cheeks had everything to do with his gaze. "I'm sorry," she managed before he cut her off.

"Perfectly valid question luv." He paused. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Anybody since Burnsey?"

"No." She was pretty sure she could _feel_ his eyebrows raising from where she sat, not looking at him, discussing her sex life. Something she had purposefully kept quiet from him; information was deadly in his hands.

"I assume you and Burnsey…" his voice got quieter.

"Yes," Gillian agreed.

"And do we know about his history?"

"I never asked."

"Why not?"

"Because we never." God she might die literally on the spot with embarrassment for admitting this.

"Neva what?" Cal prompted, clearly very interested in what she was about to say.

"We always used protection."

"You fucked with rubbas the whole time?" He was incredulous.

Gillian wished the chair would split open and envelop her. "Yes," she admitted bleakly.

"Didn't trust where he'd been?"

"Please Cal, stop _right now_," she risked looking at him to glare. She noticed the windscreen had cleared. "Can we go now?"

"Hang on," Cal dismissed her request with a wave of his hand. "What about Alec?"

"What about Alec?" Gillian repeated with a sigh.

"I assume you fucked him with no rubba?"

She hated the way he was speaking right now but now that she held his eye he didn't seem so scary. She could stand up to him. He would listen to her. Sometimes. Sometimes he would listen. "Yes Cal," she looked him dead in the eye. "I screwed my husband without condoms."

"And no one in between Alec and Burns?" Cal asked sounding a lot meeker than before.

"No," Gillian shook her head.

"But you were datin'."

"Yes," she agreed. "But that doesn't mean I slept with any one."

Cal watched her for a moment. Not to read her, because he could only do that when her guard was down, and right now it sure wasn't. He watched her to see if there was anything else. And when she didn't respond he asked, "What about babies?"

Gillian's mouth went a little dry. "No babies."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Not even five percent chance?"

"Not even that."

"Less than one percent?"

Gillian shook her head. No chance, not ever. She was so used to the information now it surprised her a little that he didn't know. Surprising he had never pushed her on that subject (must be the only one); surprising he hadn't snooped behind her back to find out anyway (must be the only time).

"I had to ask," Cal added gently.

Gillian gave a wan smile. "It's fine."

Cal turned to the front of the vehicle. He leaned down to move his seat forward again and tuned the engine over. He put the car in gear and eased out on the clutch and they were rolling forwards gently. "So you only put out on first dates for me?" He asked cheekily and set a massive grin her way.

Gillian swatted his arm. "I'm not sure you could even claim we've had a first date."

Cal chuckled and she smiled and once again they had swung out of the reasons why she shouldn't be with him into the reasons why she couldn't stay away from him.

**PJPJPJPJ**


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: M rated chapter for language._

_P.S. to all of you who spoke out about the condom/babies talk at the end. Thank you. I always strive to be realistic. It's an important conversation to have is it not? Even if it was a bit of a mood killer..._

**PJPJPJPJ**

"Nearly home," Cal pointed out as they started to merge into outer suburbs. After leaving the rest area they had lapsed into silence. Cal didn't mind silences but he also loved to fill them. The thing was, she had given him so much to think over on this occasion he just let the silence run. Gillian also seemed quite content to sit in silence and Cal hoped that wasn't out of embarrassment. Normally, he would tease her out of her discomfort but… !

She and Burns only had sex with condoms! What did that mean? She didn't trust him? Because that rule would surely have come from her. Right? That sounded like a Gillian thing to do. So she didn't trust him or was it that she was overly cautious. That also sounded plausible. But then why hadn't she been cautious with him? He felt a thrill of excitement. Did that mean she trusted him?

Right now she seemed conflicted. She was fidgeting with the hem of her dress. But Cal left her to it this time. Not because she had a tendency to add half an hour to their trip every time he touched her, but because he knew she was working up to a conversation he didn't want to have. The 'what are we doing' conversation. He'd rather think about her with Burns, and he didn't want to think about that subject in the slightest.

They went to the airport because that was where the rental had to go back to and also where Cal had left his car. They swapped over luggage and Cal watched amused as Gillian pulled on a coat and held it tightly around her body. "Cold with nothin' on unda that dress?" Cal commented flippantly.

Gillian gave him a smile. "Stop," she warned lightly.

"Won't be a minute," Cal indicated that he would return the keys to the rental company. He stepped closer to her with the intention of giving her his car keys but as his hand brushed against hers his stomach tightened in a way he couldn't even ignore and he pressed her into the side of the car.

"Cal," she breathed and her cheeks went pink.

"Warma now then?"

She nodded. She licked her lips and they parted slightly. He was aware of her breath catching even over the sound of the chilled wind. Her hands were on his arms, her fingers gripping tightly and he stood, his body pressed against hers, feeling nothing but her general form through three layers of clothing, and watched her pupils dilate.

'_My God_,' he thought. '_Is that all it took_?" The mere suggestion of a kiss. Was it just that way for him? Or was she like that for Alec? For Burns?

"Cal," Gillian said again, more confident this time. She gave his arm a squeeze. His car keys dug dully through his sports coat and shirt.

Cal kissed her cheek briefly, taking advantage while he could, while she hadn't started pushing him away. "Won't be a minute," he repeated and stepped away. As he walked between the lines of cars, dusted in icing sugar snow, he wondered about her again, about the way he _thought_ he knew her. He thought he had the way she would be in bed figured. Or at least, he _thought_ he had, because he had certainly given time to thinking about how she would be in bed. A lot. And now he didn't know what that was. He figured she'd be… not demure or inexperienced but somehow less sure of herself than she was. Or he'd be able to show her a thing or two about herself, about himself. Something along those lines. But no, she knew exactly what she wanted and she was nowhere near shy about showing him. In real life she was mysterious, keeping thoughts hidden behind Mona Lisa smiles, keeping him just slightly inside of arm's length; in bed she didn't hold anything back.

He felt like he knew her, but didn't know her at all. He was seeing her in a whole different light, discovering her on a whole new level. And he loved it. He fucking _loved_ it. He had only ever wanted to be closer to her. This was his chance and he really didn't want to blow it. '_If it kills me_.'

Gillian was waiting for him in the car. She gave him a smile, a reassuring one to Cal's jumpy heart. Very soon he knew they were going to have that 'chat'. He was preparing himself. He wasn't going to blow it this time. When they pulled into her driveway they both got out wordlessly. Cal lifted her case from the boot and carried it inside. He set it in the hallway and when he straightened up again she was reaching up to place her coat on the rack behind the door. He suddenly remembered there was nothing between him and the bare skin of her backside besides the material of that dress. Cal stepped in close behind her. She sighed, but she didn't shove him away. Cal placed a hand on her hip, pressed his nose against the skin of her neck and breathed deeply.

"You smell amazin'," he murmured, feeling her body warmth start to seep through his clothes.

"Mmm," Gillian hummed.

"I don't want to say goodbye," Cal whispered.

"So don't," Gillian responded sharply. She turned in his arm and placed hands on his cheeks to pull him into a kiss. Not a sweet kiss, a hungry kiss that made Cal grunt with wanting more. Her hands pushed his jacket off his shoulders, Cal pulled her closer by the hips, then pushed her back into the wall. She pressed his groin against her and she moaned softly. Her hands shifted to his shirt and pulled it up. Cal started to back her down the hallway as she pulled the item of clothing over his head. By the time they reached the bedroom she was on to his jeans.

Cal found the hidden zipper under Gillian's left arm and slowly tugged it down. Then he sipped his hand in against her skin, around her back, then over her bra. "Take it off," Gillian murmured.

"What's that luv? The dress or your bra?"

"Mmm both," she moaned. She pushed his jeans down over his thighs. "Take it all off."

Cal grinned as he kicked out of his jeans. "How about you take it off?" Gillian reached for the straps on her shoulders immediately. "Uh uh," Cal tsked. "Slowly."

Gillian's hands hesitated and then she slowly gathered the material in her hand and pulled it upwards. While she tugged it over her own head Cal peeled off his socks. Then he took himself in hand as he watched the material slowly reveal her body. Her lower half was all ready bare, and Cal felt his pulse quicken as he stared. It was kind of pervy, staring at her while she couldn't see what he was doing. Cal watched the material travel up her body, over her flat stomach, ribs, breasts, collarbone, neck and then her face. Her eyes widened when they found him again. She threw her dress to the side and stepped towards him, hunger in her eyes. "Let me do it," she murmured. Her fingers closed around his and gently pulled them away. Cal sighed as she caressed him.

"You're very good at that my darlin'," he whispered.

"Mmm," she agreed. "You make it so easy."

Cal watched her carefully. He didn't know which question to ask first and then it seemed he didn't have to because as he stood there gaping, starting to mouth a few words, she leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Your face," she explained. "Your face is so expressive when you're fucking me."

Cal groaned and pushed her towards the bed. "I love it when you talk dirty. When you say such filthy words."

Gillian giggled as she reached out her arms to him. "Never said I was a good girl Cal."

Cal grinned and stepped into her. She fell back against the mattress and pulled him down with her. "I love that you're not, but that you keep this side of you for the bedroom."

Gillian gave him a wicked grin. She looked as though she was going to say something else before Cal kissed her passionately. And then they fell into what seemed to be becoming a pattern. They traced hands over each other bodies in a desperate attempt at getting as much of the other as possible. As much as Cal would like to have taken it slower, he couldn't. He'd all ready had a taste of her and he knew exactly what he was missing out on. And how to get back to it as fast as possible.

**PJPJPJPJ**


	7. Chapter 7

**PJPJPJPJ**

"I'm sorry," Cal mumbled. "I'm fallin' asleep."

"That's ok," Gillian kissed his temple gently. "Sleep. You had a big day."

Cal managed a grin even though sections of his mind were all ready powering down. "I meant," Gillian leaned in closer. "It was a long drive home."

"Mmm," Cal agreed. Sure, a long drive. Several hard shags. Bloody good day to be honest. And now they were lying pooled in her bed, _her bed_ (!), and she was caressing the back of his head and neck and shoulders as she leaned over him, watching him fall asleep. "It's official. You've worn me out." He heard Gillian chuckled lightly in response. Finally Cal quit resisting and let sleep take him over. His last thought was that she wasn't sleeping with him.

Gillian watched the last vestiges of consciousness slip out of Cal. His eyes stopped shifting around, his breath fell into a pattern and a little pocket of tension in his shoulder relaxed. She stroked his hair a few more times and then withdrew her hand. Then she slipped out of bed and in to the shower. She washed her self thoroughly, taking extra care of the sensitive sections of skin where Cal's teeth had been. And especially of the sensitive areas between her legs.

She dried herself in the bathroom, dressed in the bedroom, while Cal breathed heavily from her bed. She couldn't keep her eyes off him as she pulled on comfortable jeans and a light knitted jersey. She didn't want him to wake up and change her mind again with just a look in his eyes. The pendulum was swinging back in her favour; she just needed to keep her head clear enough and long enough to make sense of it all. And then try to make Cal see sense of it too.

**PJ**

Cal woke up slowly. The best way to wake up. He stretched out and turned on his back. He was alone. Not the best way to wake up. He pried open an eye and did a quick check of the room. He was really alone. And the house seemed quiet. He hoped Gillian hadn't abandoned him fully and gone out. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He took stock of her bedroom. The photo frame beside the bed was of her and her parents when she was much, much younger. Cal reached for it and studied it. There wasn't a genuine smile on any of their faces. He wondered why she kept it around. Her sheets were a pale lavender colour, feminine but not overly girly. Not that he really expected floral prints from her. Maybe unicorns. He snickered at his own thought. The rest of the room was the same, a mix between feminine and sensible. There was a pot plant on a small table under the window, her dresser was cluttered with hair straighteners and brushes, make up, perfumes, moisturisers. There was art on her wall but that wasn't flowers either.

Cal slipped out of bed and tugged his jeans on again. He couldn't find his shirt. He went to her dresser and picked up a bottle. He popped the lid and sniffed. His groin twitched. It smelt exactly like her. It was tempting to put it in his pocket and take it with him so he could savour it later. It was also really tempting to go through her things, snoop around a little…Cal turned towards the bedroom door. Now to find the woman who smelt so damn good.

She was in the kitchen, nursing a mug of coffee and leaning against the bench. He clearly had interrupted her thoughts but she gave him a smile and offered him coffee. Cal accepted and wondered how long he had been asleep. How long had she had here with her own thoughts? How long had she had to work that crease of worry into her forehead? Gillian poured milk and as Cal stepped forward to take the cup from the bench she moved hurriedly out of his way. His heart sank. Here it was then. It wasn't like he could avoid it forever.

"Cal."

"Yes luv?" He lifted his cup from the bench and sipped the warm liquid before turning to face her.

"What happened last night…"

Twice. And this morning and in the car and this afternoon. Cal spotted a clock on the kitchen wall. It was coming up to late afternoon.

"We can't do that again," Gillian finished and Cal's attention was on her.

"Why not?" He asked pointedly and she better not spin him a line about them being business partners or whatever because that was just pathetic. She better give him a real reason.

"Because," she looked away, looked back. "I don't want to anymore."

Ouch, god, that one struck a blow right in his guts. "You bored with me all ready?" Cal asked provocatively. Now he'd put her in a tricky position. If she lied he'd know, if she admitted the truth he'd have won.

"No. Not that," her cheeks went a little red and Cal smirked arrogantly as she found it hard to meet his eyes again. There was no way, when he could make her squirm the way he did, that she had gotten bored with him all ready. He hadn't even really started to make her scream.

"Then what? I don't do it for you?" He watched like a frigging hawk while she squirmed under his gaze. She also couldn't lie her way out of that one. Her eye lids fluttered slightly and he just knew she was thinking about his performance in bed. He had been pretty proud of it, thinking it would be enough to keep her happy, giving him a window of opportunity to show her more. So much more.

"It's not that," she tried again.

"Then why don't you tell me?" Cal suggested roughly.

"Why don't you let me finish?" Gillian retorted. She met his eyes and he saw she was angry and he felt his control of the situation slip out of his grasp. "God you always do this," she muttered.

Cal got closer to her, wanting to intimidate her, just like he always did but she stepped out of his way again. "Do what?" He challenged.

"Talk over me, won't let me finish, won't listen to me."

He suspected she was reading off a list. A mental list she had prepared ahead of time. But for how long had she been preparing it? That's what Cal wasn't sure of. And he wasn't entirely sure what else was on the list. He was aware he pushed her buttons, infuriated her at times and quite often bull dozed her… but what were the things she hated about him that he wasn't aware of? The things he couldn't talk himself out of, the things he couldn't justify because he didn't know he did them.

"I listen to you," Cal tried to interrupt. Although he wasn't sure throwing her off her game was really going to help the situation.

"But you don't respect me."

Cal frowned. "How can you say that? I respect you."

"No you don't Cal. You don't!"

"Because I talk ova you?" Cal cut in again, hurt, angry himself now, confused. He knew her very well and yet he always managed to under estimate her on some level. Wait, was this about the condoms?

"Yes because you talk over me, because you run around playing your own game like we're not in a partnership."

"Is this about the bloody office?" He stepped towards her again, intent on hunting her down and pinning her in one place.

"No and if you think that then you're a bigger pillock than I thought."

Cal had to suppress the grin that threatened his face at her choice of words. Lucky for him Gillian picked that moment to duck out of his way again. Wait a minute, did she genuinely think he was a pillock? Had they crossed the line? He studied her face carefully for contempt.

"This is about the way you behave."

"How I behave? Bloody hell, it's like havin' a convasation with my bloody mutha."

Gillian sighed heavily and met his eye. "This is exactly what I'm talking about."

"I'm not allowed to reference my mutha?"

"No, you always try to hurt me before I hurt you."

Cal gave an exaggerated groan. "Can we cut the psychobabble bollocks? I'm not really in the mood."

"Tough shit Cal. You can't run away from everything for the rest of your life."

"Everythin'? That's a bit excessive don't you think?"

"No I'd say that was an understatement. If you don't want to hear it from me then you're just going to hear it from the judge sentencing your case or the doctor signing your committal papers when you finally over step that mark."

"I always thought you'd be the one signin' my committal pape-as."

"Don't do that!" Gillian complained. "Don't make light of this conversation."

"I'm not," Cal argued.

"God you even argue about whether we're arguing or not."

"Oh I thought we were havin' a convasation," Cal retorted.

"When one person stands there and bickers with the other over the most trivial aspects of the conversation the first person is trying to have, and the first person gets so infuriated she wants to kick him in the balls, then its an argument," Gillian shot back passive aggressively.

He hated that she was right. He hated that he did that to her. He hated that he hadn't found a way to stop even though he was aware. And so he did what he always did when he suspected he was being backed in to a corner. He lashed out again, trying to put her on the defensive. This wasn't just a verbal spar, this was about scoring points. He couldn't see beyond that. He was angry and yes he was hurt and she was standing right in his line of fire, even if she wasn't necessarily his intended target. She never really was.

"All right, clearly I'm fuckin' slow on the up take. Why don't you just tell me how you want me to behave? You want me to shave everyday and put on a clean suit and go and work for the government like a good little monkey? Maybe I can start a coke habit so you can try and rescue me too."

Gillian's fist tightened at her side and her eyes narrowed and she bared her teeth in a grimace even as she tried to hide it. Her blue eyes flashed in the most dangerous anger Cal had ever seen her exhibit. Her hand shook as she put her coffee cup down on the bench and Cal thought belatedly that he'd pushed it too far. He shouldn't have pushed it in the first place. She was right. He was wrong. There was something wrong with him, when an absolute angel like her was willing to be near him, to be close to him, to try and help him, to try and love him. He could see it now, on the reaction on her face, that all she was doing was trying to love him.

And fuck he didn't make it easy.

"Well I think in all fairness luv, you hurt me first on this occasion," Cal added softly, as if he could lessen the blow or distract her from his latest stupid outburst.

"You're only hurt because you don't want to hear it. I, at least, am not throwing insults at you," her voice was so strained it didn't even sound like her anymore.

"Burns," Cal tried again.

"Oh god what _about_ him?" Gillian was exasperated now.

Cal suspected now wasn't the right time to bring it up anymore… but oh well. "Did you really love him?"

"Cal," Gillian almost whined. "For god's sake! Why are we going over this again?"

"Again? I didn't know we had discussed it," Cal ground out. He hated that she was deflecting. It was not a good sign. "No you're right, we neva discussed it, because you won't talk to me about it."

"It's not really any of your business Cal."

"I was there."

She gave an annoyed shift of her shoulder. "What are we even talking about?"

"Burns," Cal growled through a throat burning with pent up frustration. "How could you love him instead of me? When I've been here the whole time?"

"Where have you been Cal? Out getting yourself nearly killed more times than I can count on one hand. Did you think I was just going to sit by and wait for your funeral? I can't stop you."

"And so you found the biggest spy in all of the district?" Cal interrupted again. Every time she said something logical he just wanted her to shut up.

Gillian shot him another annoyed glare. "I didn't know that at the time."

"You found the one man most likely to let you down."

"I tried finding someone else to make me happy. A relationship that might actually be healthy. Someone who would show me they loved me."

Cal moved quickly. He got in her face before she could move out of his way. He pinned her against the bench. "You want me to show you I love you? Is that it?"

Gillian blinked, surprised, her mouth gaped a little. It was hard to tell if she was surprised by what he'd said or by how quickly he had her trapped.

"You want me to show you I love you," Cal answered himself. He got the impression she didn't even know that that was what was at the heart of the problem. It wasn't that she minded him acting up, flipping out, feeling jealous, intimidating, being aggressive, interrupting, dominating, pushing her buttons. It was just that she wanted to know that despite all that shit, that act, that game, that underneath it all he would be there for her and that he loved her. Not hear him say the words. Not have to beg him not to get on that plane. Not ask him to not go down that road again. To not involve himself in something illegal _again_. She wanted to see it, know it, _feel_ it.

"You want me to show you," Cal told her and pulled back. He turned away from her and moved to her bedroom.

"Cal," Gillian tried to stop him, or was it merely to warn him that she was following? He went to her case and threw it up on the bed. He unzipped it. "Hey," she protested and came to stand next to him. He lifted the top and sitting there in the middle of all her neatly folded clothes was the wrapped picture frame. Cal had intended for her to find it while unpacking, seeing as he hadn't found the right moment to give it to her while they had been away. But this would do too. The gesture was still the same no matter when she got it. He picked it up and pushed it into her direction so swiftly he was shoving it into her stomach as he all ready started to stalk past her again. His mind swirled with unfinished thoughts. He needed space to think. He headed towards her front door, stooping to pick up his shirt on the way.

"Cal!" she called before he let the front door slam shut behind him.

**PJPJPJPJ**


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: I really do have the best groupies around. Doc, for the play by plays. Cloe83 for gaining confidence with the analysis. And so, so many of you who take the time to review every chapter. I know you all off by heart, (but would be too embarrassed to name you here in case I did forget someone). And every so often I meet someone new and you let me know how you love my work and that truly means a lot to me. Thank you, all of you; you really do make my day. I love sharing my work with you, I'm so glad you love reading it. _

**PJPJPJPJ**

Cal drove home in bare feet. As soon as he got through the door his phone started ringing and he almost ignored it without even checking the number. It was Emily and she wanted to know if he was home yet. He said he was.

"Are you ok Dad? You sound weird."

"I'm just really tired luv. We had to drive back."

"Oh. I was going to come home tonight."

"No luv, can you stay one more night? I'm not much company."

"All right," she agreed amiably. "I'll stop by tomorrow on my way to school."

"I'd like that," Cal answered genuinely. "Love you."

"You too Dad. Have an early night."

"I will be," Cal told her. He hung up and stripped off and had a shower, reluctantly washing away the scent of Gillian from his skin. And then all those unfinished thoughts started hammering their way into his skull. He dried off, trying to ignore them, and dressed in boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He was hungry but couldn't be bothered going downstairs again. He was tired but couldn't switch his mind off. Gillian Foster had been under his skin for a very long time but now she was under it on a whole new level.

Cal closed his eyes. He could see her angry face before him. He really was a plonker. Couldn't he just swallow his pride and let her in? Did he really always have to be right about everything? That method sure as shit hadn't worked with Zoe. Wasn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? What made him think in his right mind, that continuing to behave the way he did would endear her to him? He groaned and turned over to bury his face in his pillow.

She could have her pick of men. He saw the way they looked at her, the braver ones doing a double take, the even braver coming to talk to her in a bar. The first time he'd met her he'd stared under the pretence of 'reading' her. Those eyes! He was pretty sure she got asked out regularly; she made herself open to people, approachable. She had to for her job but Cal suspected that was also in her nature. All the men in her life, the Alec's the Burns, Cal was probably not much better than the rest of them, except he was aware of his behaviours and he was aware of how to change them and how he had to be to be with her. Because he knew her. Of all the men in her life she was choosing him. She was telling him, she chose him.

He had to rethink it. He absolutely had to. She stood before him and made the first move. She made herself the vulnerable one and let him in, crossed the line, took a god damned chance. The least he could do is try. He was afraid of losing her, afraid of screwing up, but he was more afraid of doing those things before he'd even had a chance. Like buying a new car, he was afraid of crashing it sure, but he would be even more foolish to leave the thing sitting in the garage for the rest of his life. Especially when it was such a down right sexy beautiful model.

Cal groaned again. God she was so damn beautiful and it really was worse now that he'd had a taste of _all_ of her. What choice did he have? If he wanted to be with her he really was going to have to re-think everything. He remembered something else he had wanted to show her eventually, another brown packaged picture frame. He had been saving it for the right moment. He rolled off the bed and retrieved it from the top shelf of his wardrobe. He would eat and then he would go over to see her.

**PJ**

Gillian got to the door in the most sluggish of fashions. By the time she wrenched it open again Cal was pulling down the street.

'_Fuck_!'

Ok, don't panic. It was an argument, not the end of the world. They hadn't broken up because they weren't actually together. It wasn't over if it hadn't really begun. And it hadn't really begun because Cal hadn't let it. A slow sickening feeling of being used crawled through her stomach. Maybe he really had been all about getting his leg over. She felt so nauseated by the thought that she placed the package he had given her on the first surface she found and headed to the bathroom. Just in case. She told herself she was being stupid. Really stupid. The logical, smart, independent, strong woman thing to do would be to just go over there and refuse to let him stonewall her until she got what she wanted. Which was him. Or at least, a decent adult conversation about all the things between them, holding them back.

Gillian suddenly heard the hiss of rain falling on the roof. It was raining? She went to the bathroom window and pushed it open as far as the safety latch would allow. She breathed deeply. She loved the earthen smell of fresh falling rain. Oooh, her plant would enjoy the rain. She moved to her bedroom. She had been gone for a few days and an extra night, that she'd rather not think about right now because it made her groin tingly. Especially because the room smelt like sex and Cal. She grabbed the pot plant and pushed open the window and put it out on the ledge. Then she turned to the bed. The sheets were mussed around, pillows were strewn haphazardly and all she could think about was Cal and what they'd done in her bed.

She reached forward and tugged the duvet cover to the floor. She grabbed the sheet and bunched it up towards her into a ball and then tossed it to the floor as well. She did the same with the fitted sheet. It was harder with the pillows, particularly the one Cal had napped on because it smelt like him so strongly. In fact, she hugged it and breathed it in for a very long minute before feeling like she was nineteen again.

She stripped her pillow and gathered the rest of the bedding, taking it to her laundry. She could justify that the machine would be full with the sheets, she wasn't going to be able to fit in the pillow cases too. She could leave them for a little while longer. She got fresh linens from the cupboard. As she came down the hallway she spotted the brown package. She took it with her. Suddenly she wasn't so interested in re-making her bed. She sat on the edge of the mattress and held it before her in her hands. It was a picture of something, she knew that because she had sat right outside as he had emerged from the framing store. She hoped it wasn't a picture of his bare ass. Knowing Cal, that would be right up his alley by way of humour.

But then why would he decide to give that to her now?

'_Oh just open it,_' Gillian told herself. Her fingers were a little bit fumbly as she ripped the tape apart from the paper. The frame was face down and slightly bigger than A4 size. As she turned it over the paper fell away to the floor. She froze, even her heart seeming to give up on movement for a second, as she came across the image. She stared for a long time and then tears sprung into her eyes and poured out again. She threw herself back against the mattress and started sobbing.

_Cal_.

**PJ**

Gillian tapped on Cal's back door with a shaky hand. The house was so quiet she figured he would be upstairs and possibly asleep; his afternoon nap had only lasted half an hour. A part of her wanted him to be asleep, to not answer the door; she didn't want to have another fight with him. But she wanted answers, she wanted to know where they stood. She wanted desperately to know it wasn't all over before it had even started.

Cal pulled open the door abruptly and startled her. He looked surprised himself. His hair was sticking up and out at random angles. He had clearly had a shower, she could smell the scent of his shampoo and her stomach quivered tightly. Damn he looked so sexy.

"Hey," he spoke first.

"Hi," she echoed. He stood aside to let her in and moved away to the kitchen bench where he was clearly preparing something to eat. Gillian's stomach growled then, a nudge to say '_hey I'm hungry too'_. Cal didn't seem to have heard because he didn't react. Gillian closed the door carefully. "Are you alone?"

"Em's gonna stay at her Mum's one more night."

Gillian nodded. Cal glanced over his shoulder at her. Gillian pulled the picture frame out of her bag. She had walked out the door with it in her hand and then decided she wasn't going to leave it in the car; she wanted to have it for a prop. Mostly she just wanted to have it near her. It was precious.

"Where did you get this?"

Cal turned towards her again. "Pict-cha frame store. You were with me when I picked it up rememba?"

She gave a slight smile. "And now the serious answer?"

"You left them in my office," Cal explained with a gesture of his hands. "On my desk." He let the information sink in. "I came back in the next day and found them. I thought you'd want them."

"You have the others?"

"Yes."

Gillian looked down at the picture in her hands. Sophie had drawn an image in highlighter pens of herself and Gillian in Cal's office. It was basic, stick figures and disproportionate furniture. Gillian's hair was purple; Sophie's bright yellow. It wasn't just precious because Sophie had drawn it for her, it was precious because Cal had taken it and got it framed to give back to her so she could hang it on her wall. "Thank you," she choked out, tears falling on her cheeks again. "You have no idea what this means to me."

"Yes I do."

Actually, yes he did. Because Alec would have thrown them away in carelessness and Burns would have thrown them away without knowing the history behind them. It seemed neither of them knew her very well. Cal crossed over to her and cautiously put his arms around her shoulders. Gillian reached out and put the picture on the island bench, then wrapped her arms around his torso tightly and rested her head on his shoulder. Cal's grip tightened around her. She sighed in to him and held him firmer still.

"Are you all right? I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to show you…"

"I know," Gillian answered quickly. She pulled back to see his face. There was concern in his eyes. She loved it when his mask was down and he let her see him; really _see_ him. So she told him that, because those were important steps in good communication. Cal gave a little sigh and stepped back, moving her arms off him. He retreated to the bench. "Can we talk?" Gillian asked hating the distance.

"What if you don't want to hear what I have to say?"

Gillian fought down the urge to cry again. She was a big girl. She could listen to whatever it was that he had to say and be objective and then try and work out a solution. "Answer me this Cal. Before we go any further."

He watched her carefully and she knew she had his attention. Her heart hammered as she prepared to say the words. "Do you want to be with me?"

Cal blew air out between his lips. "Now there's a question."

**PJPJPJPJ**


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Cloe, I did it. Anyone else who wants to come over and chat you're quite welcome._

_P.S The site won't let me post the entire link. So you'll just have to find your own way over there kids... .net/forum/Ut_Sermo/86325/_

**PJPJPJPJ**

"Course I bloody well want to be with you. I want to be with you in every way possible," Cal growled sending a shiver down Gillian's spine. "What kind of bloody question is that? You're the one who seduced me, then tried to break it off and is round here now askin' me what I want."

"I seduced you huh?"

Cal gave a smirk. "As I recall, yeah, you bloody jumped me."

Gillian tried to hide a smile. "In all fairness, you've been driving me insane for years."

"Oh really?" Cal asked with extreme interest. He stepped in close to her again. She backed up to the bench and Cal pressed in against her. "Years?"

"Uh huh."

"Then why has it taken you this long to tell me?"

"Why did it take you?"

Cal stepped back, blinked. "That's a complicated story."

Gillian sat herself at the breakfast bar. "So tell it to me."

Cal could recognise a challenge when he was faced with one. His first reaction was to say 'no', to back off, to change the subject, to refuse, to be obnoxious, to make this about her. But he wasn't going to blow it right? Gillian was the kind of woman who wanted to talk. She liked to understand. It was important to her. "You want somethin' to eat?" Cal turned towards the bench again.

"What are you making?" Gillian asked while hoping she wasn't going to have to pry information out of him this evening. If he was going to continue to shut her out then she was going to take herself and that damn picture and go home and cry her eyes out and try to get over the little smidge of a more intimate relationship that they'd had. She would forget about him and what it felt like to be close to him; just like she could forget about Alec and Burns more and more as the days went by.

"Baked beans on toast," Cal responded with his back to her. He finished opening the can and pried back the lid with a butter knife.

"So very English," Gillian responded with a slight laugh.

"Little bit of grated cheese, you'll love it." He dumped the contents into a pot and put it on the gas.

"Hm," Gillian responded because she didn't know what else to say.

"You know Gill," Cal dropped bread into the toaster and turned towards her. "I'm not very good at these things."

"What things are these?" She asked gently.

Cal waved a hand in the air. "Things," he winced. "Talkin' about feelin's and all that bollocks."

Gillian gave a little sigh. She looked away. Almost disappointed. "I've noticed."

"But I know it's important to you."

She looked up again, slightly surprised, just a little hopeful.

"The thing is," he stepped closer to her. "I need assurances from you just as much as you need them from me. That's the problem with gettin' togetha with someone you've known for a long time. You know all my bad habits and I know all of yours."

Gillian bit the inside of her cheek. "That's very true."

"So if bare my soul to you and you don't do the same for me than I'm gonna feel like a right plonka."

"Right," she agreed. "And we spend all our time predicting what the other's going to do or say so that neither of us actually acts on anything."

"Yeah… so…" Cal stopped. He screwed his face up. "I'm scared," he admitted. And it was so hard to do so. It made his heart pound uncomfortably. Cal Lightman did not admit to weakness.

Gillian reached out a hand gingerly and lightly rubbed the back of his wrist. "I know. Me too. For the exact same reasons you just described. I'm afraid of telling you how I feel if you're not going to reciprocate."

"I promise you I'll reciprocate."

"The thing is, I'm feeling a little bit like a plonker."

Cal grinned at her use of the word.

"Because I all ready embarrassed myself by 'jumping you' in our hotel last night."

Cal's grin widened. The toast popped up and he turned to retrieve it. "What are you afraid of?" He asked the bread while inspecting it and dropping it back for a second toasting.

"A lot of things."

Cal turned to face her again. "Me?"

"A little bit."

"You think I'm gonna hurt you."

She gave a slight shrug as if she could dismiss the comment. "Sometimes."

Cal looked disappointed now. "I would do my level best not to. You're not like otha women to me Gill."

"I'm not?" She blurted.

He shook his head. "You think I'm not the relationship kinda guy."

She sat back abruptly and he knew he was right. "You think, all those women," he waved a hand in the air. "I can't commit or I won't." She looked as though she wanted to protest but he stared her down. "Honest convasation right?" So she nodded. "The thing is darlin'," he got closer to her again. "They didn't mean anythin' to me. I didn't want to have a relationship with them. That wasn't the point. And I'm sorry it hurt you to see me with them. It hurt me every time you were with someone else too."

'_Burns_,' Gillian thought, finally getting why oh why he kept bringing up a boyfriend of hers from a year ago.

"I am a relationship kinda guy Gill." He got closer still, his voice dropping lower. "But only for the right woman."

Gillian swallowed hard as his eyes bored into hers. And then the toast popped again. Cal spun away to retrieve it. He buttered it quickly, with real butter, not margarine. He stirred the beans and slotted more bread into the toaster. Gillian's heart rate dropped to normal again while he worked.

"Is that why you've been such an asshole in the last year? Burns?"

Cal turned his head slightly but didn't face her completely. He retrieved two plates and laid them out on the bench. He placed the first round of toast onto one and then slowly faced her again. "Yes," he admitted. "I'm not proud of it. Hated that I was behavin' that way. Kinda hard to stop once I had started." He took a few steps towards her again so he was standing on his spot at the corner of the bench, in front of where she sat on a stool. "I'm sorry for that by the way." Gillian's blue eyes regarded him neutrally; she was doing an amazing job of just listening. "I was hurt that you'd found Burnsey and chose him ova me and… he made you happy."

"Self loathing's a bitch isn't it?" Gillian asked with just a hint of emotion.

"Biggest I know," Cal responded. "Forgive me?"

"I hate it when you act like that towards me."

"I know."

"How is that you were so sweet and understanding over the whole Sophie thing and the rest of the time you border on the insane?" She suspected that was how Cal really was as a man and the rest of it was the act, or at least the habit. "You can't even promise me you'll never do it again can you?"

Cal thought for a split second. "No."

"So that's just something I have to get used to?"

"I wish you wouldn't."

"You expect me to punish you?"

Cal gave her a wicked grin, "I might like that." He turned to the toaster again. He inspected the bread and decided it was ready. Once the machine was warmed up it was usually fine.

"Serious answer?"

He buttered the bread and thought. "I don't know what to say to that luv. I don't want you to get used to it because I don't want it to eva be all right for me to talk to you like that."

"But you won't stop?"

"Can't."

"You can if you wanted to."

Cal placed the bread on the plate. He retrieved the beans. "Are you askin' me to?"

Gillian sighed audibly. "You put me in a terrible position Cal. Because I'm not going to actively change who you are. You wouldn't be the man I love if I changed you. And yet I can't take it when you're so cold towards me."

Cal only hesitated slightly as he scooped beans onto the toast.

"So what do I do? Tell you yes, I want you to change. Or sit in the background and just hope that you will. Or feel like shit everyday that you're rude and cold and obnoxious."

Cal almost cringed. "That's why you tried to call it off earlia?"

There was a pause. Cal kept his back to her. Even though he'd finished. He couldn't quite face her yet. This was a really painful conversation. And easily the deepest he'd ever had with anyone. Ever.

"Yes," Gillian admitted and Cal could hear the hesitation in her voice quite clearly. He scooped a spoonful of beans into his mouth. He chewed and thought while he rinsed out the pot, buying more time to come up with a response that was going to satisfy the both of them. "I'm torn Cal. Because I want to be with you, more now than ever after last night…"

"And this mornin' and in the car," Cal turned and grinned as he headed for the fridge. He didn't have to finish the list, the light blush in her cheeks said she knew all about it. She should. She was there after all.

"But," she said around a smile. "I'm afraid that you'll hurt me, keep a distance between us, push me away, keep me in the dark. I'm afraid that you will always only ever half commit to what we could have."

"Yeah me too," Cal agreed picking the cheese up from the shelf and closing the fridge again. "You want a beer?" He suddenly remembered his manners. Gillian looked dubious. "You want a beer," Cal nodded to confirm. He left the cheese on the bench and retrieved two bottles. He popped the caps and set one down in front of her. He went back to the cheese. "You know I can commit right? I was married for a really long time." He glanced over at her while he started grating.

"I know," she responded simply.

"Longa than you I might add."

"Thanks very much," she gave him a sardonic smile.

"I'm just sayin' luv its not the committin' part I have a problem with."

"It's letting someone in?"

"Yes."

"Which just brings us back to square one," Gillian sighed.

Cal sprinkled cheese. "Right." He placed one of the plates under the grill to melt the cheese. He took a swig of his beer and studied her from across the room. He'd have to say, at least she wasn't crying and getting hysterical and telling him he was a complete bastard. He'd heard that enough over the years. From a lot of different women. Including his wife. He grabbed a towel to retrieve the plate. "Sweet chilli? HP sauce? Tomato sauce?

"Tomato sauce?" Gillian gave him a confused expression.

Cal went to the fridge. "Sweet chilli for you I think." He grabbed it from the door and tapped the thick sauce over her meal. "Dig in," he instructed. He placed his plate under the grill next and heard Gillian pulling the drawer open where she sat to get cutlery.

"Do you think we should call it quits before we get too emotionally involved?" Cal started talking again while he took another pull of his beverage and watched her place a knife and fork on the bench for him.

"I'm all ready emotionally invested," Gillian answered trying to sound light but failing. She had her knife and fork poised in her hands to use. She regarded him with those cool blue eyes of hers.

It wasn't too late to walk away, Cal thought, but he couldn't bear the nauseating feeling of seeing her everyday after this moment and knowing, not only had he broken her heart, but he had broken his too. "So am I luv. What happened last night and this morning etc meant somethin' to me too. It was more than just sex luv."

Gillian gave a small smile. Cal retrieved his plate. He opted for half HP, half sweet chilli sauce. "Eat," he told her again. He cut off a square of toast and crammed it into his mouth and attempted to chew it even thought it was blazing hot and burnt every sensitive surface in his mouth. He got up again to retrieve his beer. He let the liquid cool his burns.

"This is interesting," Gillian spoke up from her seat.

"Can't go wrong with beans," Cal supplied taking his stool again. "Great for breakfast, lunch, dinna, aftanoon snack." He dropped his voice, "midnight snack."

Gillian gave a light laugh. "I like it."

"Convert," Cal responded pleased. "Emily complains."

"I'm just grateful not to have to cook my own meal for once."

Cal attempted a forkful of beans. Still hot. But getting better. He watched Gillian eat politely. Was absolutely everything she did graceful and classy? "I want to let you in," he spoke softly. "It's hard for me."

"Will you try?"

"Will you be patient with me?"

"Have the last eight years not been indicative enough of my patience with you?" Gillian gave him a sparkly eyed grin.

Cal smiled in return. "Yeah I guess that's a fair assessment." He took another forkful of beans. "Rememba how you said that you were takin' your foul mood out on me because you trusted me?"

Gillian nodded.

"What did you mean by that?"

"I think you know."

"I want you to say the words."

Gillian thought for a moment, finding the correct explanation. "I trust you to not hold it against me. That you can see beyond my frustrations."

"Wart-a off a duck's back?"

Gillian nodded.

"That's why I keep on actin' up around you. I know you'll be there for me no matta what I do." He paused. "Or at least I hope you will. I hope I know you correctly."

"You do," Gillian murmured.

"All right then," Cal swallowed his mouthful and took a swig of his beer. "One more question."

Gillian looked up, gave him a warm smile. "Go ahead."

"When we were arguin', in the hotel, why did you kiss me? I mean, you kneed me in the thigh, and there's a bruise there by the way, and you were so pissed off," he waved his fork around as he talked.

Gillian looked down at her plate embarrassed. "Because..." She looked up again. "I don't know why. I was frustrated. I didn't know how to make the transition verbally or logically so I just..."

"Jumped me?" Cal finished with a grin.

Gillian grinned back. "I wanted to _show_ you how I felt. Sometimes it's bloody hard to get a word in edge ways."

Cal grinned. "Reckon you can deal with that one too?"

"Have the last eight years not been indicative enough of my patience with you?" Gillian repeated with another grin.

**PJPJPJPJ**


	10. Chapter 10

**PJPJPJPJ**

"Are you gonna eat that?" Cal eyed up Gillian's plate.

"Thank you but I'm really full," Gillian finished her beer.

"Chuck it here then," Cal moved his plate aside to make room for hers. She handed it over. Then she slipped from the stool and went to the sink. She dropped the empty beer bottle in the recycling bin under the sink and straightened up with rack for the dishes. She started to fill the sink. "You don't have to do that," Cal called from the island in the middle of the room.

"You cooked," Gillian responded over her shoulder.

"Well let the record show I offaed."

Gillian smiled at the window. It was completely dark now even though it wasn't very late. The rain had eased up but the skies hadn't cleared. She was glad they had talked, so, so glad. It was nice to have easy conversation with Cal. He could argue until the cows came home, another of his phrases, but he could also indulge in idle witty chit chat when it was required. She heard the scrape of a knife on the plate and then the soft Velcro pad of his bare feet against the floor as he approached. He slipped an arm around her to place the plate on the bench next to her. His body warmth took two seconds to seep through her clothes. She leaned back against him, relishing the feel of his solid body.

Then he moved away again and kept his distance while she washed and he dried faster than she could get the plates, knives, forks and pot out of the water again. When she was finished she flicked water at him. "Hey!" Cal protested loudly.

Gillian pulled the plug from the sink and ripped the tea towel out of his hands before he had a chance to react. She used it to dry her hands. "I see you're all ready gettin' comfortable then." He moved in to pin her against the bench again so she attempted to shove him away by the chest. She barely made an impact. "You know I'm stronga than you?"

"I can try though right?"

Cal kept moving forward until her hips were pinned by his. He leaned in to her. "Sure, try away."

She shoved harder.

"Are you tryin' yet?"

Gillian laughed. "Ok fine I cave!"

"Givin' up at the first hurdle?" Cal teased with a smile. "That's not like you." He leaned in to her ear. "You're usually much more feisty my luv."

Gillian wrapped her arms around his neck. "Perhaps if the end result of giving up wasn't so rewarding."

Cal chuckled. He shifted his head to study her lips. "I want to show you somethin'."

"Mmmm," Gillian hummed. She shifted her hands to his hips and pulled him in closer. "I can just _guess_ what it is."

Cal grinned and she grinned wickedly back. He shifted his hands to her waist. "Ah darlin' you've got a filthy mind."

"You've got no idea."

Cal gave a little groan. "Then I'm lookin' forward to findin' out."

"Hmmm," Gillian mused. "I'll let you in my head if you let me in yours."

"Deal," Cal smiled.

Gillian gave him a happy grin in return. "Now stop teasing me and just kiss me."

Cal chuckled and dropped his head lower to press his lips against hers. He half expected it to taste bittersweet after what they had discussed that evening. It didn't. It was sweet and warm. Gillian's tongue slid into his mouth slowly and pressed against his tongue carefully. He felt her hands tighten on him simultaneously, giving his sides a little squeeze. Cal sucked in air through his nose and pushed past her lips to explore her mouth, caressing the insides of her soft cheeks with the tip of his tongue. Then he caressed the length of hers. She gave a slight moan and it sent a thrill through Cal to his groin. He broke away from her, then kissed her lips tenderly a few more times while they both got some air, savouring the taste and warmth of her mouth.

Cal pressed his forehead against hers as he breathed her in. "I was serious about wantin' to show you somethin'."

Gillian giggled. "Go ahead."

"It's upstairs."

"Oh yeah?" She replied sarcastically.

"Yeah," Cal breathed, he stepped back from her, slipping his hand down her arm to take her hand. She didn't look impressed but she didn't resist as he led her up the stairs and down the upstairs hallway to his room at the end. Gillian was still thinking this was a ruse to get her into bed when he marched them up to his dresser where a brown wrapped package was waiting. He picked it up and handed it out to her gently.

Gillian hesitated. He said he had the rest of the pictures Sophie drew that day. But she wasn't sure if she was ready for another one just yet. "Cal," she said, starting to resist.

Cal held it closer. "It's for you," he nudged her in a gentle tone.

She took it tentatively. She wanted to resist some more but he had a nervous energy about him now that she had a hard time shutting down. She could play along. It was clearly important to him. She let go of his hand and repeated the process on this package as she had done several hours earlier on the last one. She pulled apart the tape from the paper and turned it over in her hands. The brown paper fell to the floor at her feet. "What am I looking at?" She asked, studying the image, trying to make sense of it.

"That's me," Cal explained.

"This is you?" Gillian was confused. She brought it closer to see. The image was kind of ovular in shape but with a thicker section at the top. The image was mostly black but there was a random splatter of bright colours, yellows, reds, oranges.

"That's my head," Cal added.

"Your head?" Gillian didn't understand. And then she clicked. She was looking at an MRI image. "You had a brain scan done? What for?" She looked up alarmed. "Are you sick?" She checked for the tell tale masses which would indicate a tumour or other growth.

"No not sick," Cal chuckled. "This is what my head looks like when I see a picture of you."

Gillian looked down at the image. She remembered studying MRI scans when she was in school but it took her a second to re-orientate herself. She could find the frontal lobe in the front, obviously, the occipital lobe at the back and the temporal lobes represented on each side of the image. The centres that had lit up like intensely burning wild fires, she didn't know all of them, but she could see the dorsal striatum clearly. And she knew that centre was rich in dopamine, associated with reward and motivation. Like in couples who first fall in love. Like in people who snorted cocaine.

Gillian looked up at him again. "Cal this is amazing."

He gave a slight shrug. "That's what you do to me."

Gillian felt a prick of tears. She didn't know what to say. This was beyond her comprehension. This was him showing her that he loved her. Not telling her, showing her, without any doubt, that he really was in love with her. "Why did you?"

"Thought it might be a laugh."

"When?"

"Rememba the sold-ja with wakin' nightmares?"

"But that was..."

"Years ago," Cal finished watching her face intently. "I know."

"You weren't kidding huh?"

He shook his head slowly. "Nope. Loved you for years."

"I can see."

"Told you I'd show you."

"Yeah," Gillian breathed. Between Sophie's picture and this scan, he sure as hell had shown her he loved her.

"Want to sit down for a minute?"

Gillian nodded and he guided her gently to the bed. She sat heavily, looking again at the pattern of bright yellows, reds and oranges. "I can't always promise you I'll be the model husband and I might not be able to promise you that I'll stay out of the firin' line, but I can promise you that I love you. And if you eva forget, now you have this. This is my heart as well as my head."

"Thank you Cal," Gillian whispered. "You have my heart and my head too."

He gave a grin, one of those wicked grins that sent liquid lust to her thighs. She leaned over and kissed him. "You can have my body too."

"Excellent," Cal murmured against her lips.

**PJ**

Cal woke suddenly. It was morning, it was early and he was home. But not alone. He grinned broadly, shoving sleep to the side so he could fully appreciate the sheer delight of waking up with Gillian Foster in his bed. Not a hotel bed, _his_ bed. How many bloody years and she was finally in his bed? '_All I want to do is love you. And I will find a way to you if it kills me. If it kills me_.'

There was a tap on the bedroom door. "Yeah?" He called out in a croaky voice, surprised and a little alarmed.

"Dad?" Emily called back. Thank god he'd had the foresight to close the thing before they'd gone to sleep. The door handle rattled.

"Wait Em, I'm not alone."

Gillian stirred next to him.

There was a lengthy silence. This was new for all of them. He didn't tend to bring women home. "I'll be down in a minute." He'd forgotten all about her calling on her way to school.

"Ok," she agreed.

"Emily?" Gillian mumbled.

"Yeah," Cal flicked back the covers, then changed his mind. He leaned over her bare back and kissed her along her shoulder. She gave a murmur of delight. "Stay put."

"I'll get up," she muttered turning slightly.

"Nope," Cal insisted. "Stay put. I'll bring breakfast up."

"Take your time," she mumbled. "Sleep."

What she actually said was 'mmmh'mm up sleep', which Cal took to mean, 'I'm going back to sleep'. He kissed her again and pulled on clothes before slipping out of the room quietly.

Emily was leaning against the kitchen bench picking a fingernail as she waited. She looked up when he jumped the last two steps to land heavily on his heels. "Is that Gillian's bag?" She pointed wide-eyed to the breakfast bar. "And is that her car out the front?"

"Uh yeah it is."

Emily looked suspicious. "So then who's upstairs Dad?"

Cal moved over to the coffee pot. "Uh well, that would be Gillian."

Emily's eyes went wider, if that was even possible. "You and Gillian?"

"Yeah," Cal turned to see her face. Surprise, no, shock.

"Since when?"

"Um kinda yestaday."

"What does 'kinda' mean?"

"Well more like the night before." He really didn't want to go into details; he hoped she wouldn't ask him to elaborate.

"And?" Emily prompted.

"And what?" Cal asked alarmed.

"And so are you together? Tell me you're together. Gillian's not the kind of woman you just sleep with..."

"All right, all right," Cal cut her off. "We're," he gestured, winced. What a bloody awkward conversation to have with his nearly graduated daughter. "Togetha," he finished with a breath.

"Wow, that was really hard for you to admit wasn't it?"

"Yeah a little bit."

"I hope that was because you just admitted to being in a relationship and nothing to do with the fact that it's Gillian."

"Nothin' to do with Gillian, everythin' to do with the scary 'R' word."

Emily smiled suddenly and threw her arms around his neck. "Dad I'm so proud of you!"

Cal smiled over her shoulder. "Early days luv."

Emily pulled back. She reached for her school bag. "Ok two things. One: about time. And two: don't screw this up!"

"Go to school," Cal grouched.

"And three: make sure Gillian's here for dinner tonight ok? We're going to celebrate."

"Did your mutha drop you off?"

"Now I don't have to worry about you and your empty nest when I'm away at college."

Cal retrieved his car keys. "No joy ridin'," he warned handing them over.

Emily took the keys. She planted a kiss on her father's cheek. "I'm really happy for you Dad, for you both. Say hi to Gillian for me."

"I will," Cal responded, turning to watch her practically waltz out the back door. "Can you put some gas in it?" He called after her as the door slammed shut.

Cal poured coffee and scrounged together cereal and milk and took it upstairs on a tray. He'd text Emily later that day about getting supplies on her way home. He pushed the bedroom door open with his foot. Gillian looked over at him from the bed as he came in. She gave him a smile and sat up, holding the bed sheet against her chest. "Good morning," she greeted pleasantly.

Cal brought the tray over and placed it carefully over her legs. He gave her a quick kiss, then went to pull back the curtains. Sun shine poured in. "Wow what a nice day," Gillian noted.

Cal moved back to the bed. Gillian held up the tray while he clambered over and settled next to her, but facing her, using her lap as a table. "Pretty amazin' day from where I'm sittin'," Cal noted sipping his coffee.

Gillian gave him a warm smile. "A girl could get used to this."

"So could this guy," Cal retorted. And then Gillian's face froze. "What?" Cal asked slightly alarmed.

"Did you say you would be my husband last night?"

"Must have imagined it luv," Cal lied easily and took another sip of his coffee.

**PJPJPJPJ**

_This fic, in its entirety, was many things if not a giant experiment. I've never collaborated with someone else on a piece of work. I've always written solo and I've only ever handed out completed pieces of writing. Then it's too late for someone to say 'oh you should have done this'. In that way, I was always right. In writing with Muse, I handed over paragraphs, phrases, half pages as soon as they were written. The feedback was instantaneous. Sometimes it was 'yes!' 'perfect!' 'that's exactly it, you nailed it PJ!' and sometimes it was 'aw but why did Ursula say this? And why would Gillian do that? And what if Cal was even more of a bastard to her? And you really should explore this just a little bit further'. Muse pushed me in a way I've never written before and my ego had to go and sit in the other room so that I could accept the advice and write better (especially at three am when I was half asleep and thinking 'but no I'm right and you're wrong! Leave me alone!'). That was a massive learning curve for me. A MASSIVE one! And I think the work is so much better for it (thanks Muse, that's why you're Muse)._

_The second half of this fic was a Dr Callian writing challenge; the prompts being 'lots of smut and breakfast in bed and lots of angst and jealous Cal, not cool collected Cal but insane jealous Cal.' Angst meant 'analysing their relationship'. So when the first part of this story was written and it was absolutely filled with 'analysing their relationship' at least from Cal's point of view, I realised I had really already started to write 'Doc's Smut Fic' and that the two now belonged together as one. Muse took a back seat on this one, it was all me and my ego, tentatively finding my way through days of writing just one smut chapter and then still having to find my way back to 'analysing their relationship' the next day._

_I've never written a song-fic either. So I attempted that based on a song recommended to me by Muse. I got the lyrics and poured over them and then heard the song 50 times in the space of a week until I could 'hear' Cal singing it to Gillian. If you don't know the song then check it out on youtube: If It Kills Me, Jason Mraz. Muse wanted it in Part One, but once I heard Cal singing it the morning after it belonged to Part Two and Muse just had to deal with that. I've also never written with poetry before so that was a little demand Muse made in the middle of Part One that actually had me worried. I sat there and thought 'now how the hell am I going to, first of all, make those words mean anything to the story I've got right here and second of all how am I going to get those words in without it seeming forced or OOC or just taking a massive leap off the page?' So. I was happy with how the poetry turned out and I thought the Cal-singing-to-Gillian-the-morning-after scene was so cute! And hopefully different from what anyone else out there has done… (Always striving to do something that no one else out there has done)._

_So this fic, in its entirety, has been quite the journey on so many levels. Not in the least, that my computer got sick just as I had started Part 2.1 and I had to take it to the doctor, where it hung out for a week! The rest of Part Two was written on the world's slowest lap top and with pen and paper._

_I want to dedicate the first half to Muse. The second half is for Doctor Callian first and foremost, but because she tells me she loves to share, I know she will happily allow me to also dedicate it to you, my loyal 'groupies, followers and creepers'. This is for you sticking by me and growing and speaking up to let me hear your voice. It's also for Cloe, who has requested 'jealous Cal' on so, so many occasions! And anyone else who politely requested smut. You'll never get it like this again so make the most of it. (And to whomever it was that said the 'smut' scenes made them 'horny', thanks for sharing that! Awesome! I must be doing something right; or at least Cal is ;) )_

_I love you guys, thanks for sharing the love with me too. Read you around._

_PJ xxx_

_P.S There's a forum where we're all hanging out. Come and say hello. You'll find us easily. And Doc, world's longest AN! blows raspberry_


	11. Chapter 11

_AN: I didn't actually intend to write an epilogue to this piece even though it seems to have become a bit of a habit. I had this scene in my head while writing this fic and then found I couldn't fit it into the story in the way I wanted to. But then I read the reviews wanting more of the story. So you can have this in lieu of anything more... sorry guys._

**PJPJPJPJ**

Gillian became aware that someone was creeping into her bedroom and if she hadn't been so deeply asleep in the first place she might have felt more alarmed. The person slipped under the covers behind her. She might have known. "Cal?"

"Shhh go back to sleep."

"We're supposed to be spending the night apart," she pointed out.

"I know."

"Because we've spent every night together for the last month."

"I know." He snuggled up behind her.

"Are you still fully dressed?"

"Yes," he mumbled.

"Take your clothes off."

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" He sounded sleepy.

"I'm serious."

"They're clean."

Gillian turned over. "At least take your socks off."

"Too tired."

"That's because you're creeping in here at some ungodly hour in the morning."

"Couldn't sleep," he responded simply. He shifted his arm and suddenly pulled her closer. She could feel he had a t-shirt on and jeans... and socks. "Without you."

"That's sweet," Gillian acknowledged. "But please take your socks off. You know I hate it."

"Yes," Cal agreed. "Your only pet peeve." He shifted around and pushed his socks off using his feet.

Gillian heard them drop to the floor. She melted in to him. "Thank you."

"Welcome."

"Now, what are you doing here?"

"Can't sleep without you."

"You know this isn't healthy," Gillian pointed out while settling in against his chest, automatically finding the ways her body fit in against his; she rested her cheek against his, completely comfortable.

"I know," Cal agreed. "Can't help it."

"Hmm," Gillian hummed.

"It's your fault."

"My fault?"

"Yep," his arm tightened around her and even that simple act, coupled with the fact that she could breathe in his scent every second now, made her feel tingly in her groin. "All your fault."

"I'll work on being less..."

"Don't you dare," Cal cut her off. "Don't be less of anythin'."

Gillian smiled.

"I can feel you smilin'."

She grinned. Cal turned his head slightly so his nose was pressing against hers. He held her like this sometimes when they made love. It made her stomach quiver. They didn't have sex every night, pretty close to it, and when they did... god damn it was the best of her life. She had a hard time staying away from him too, which is why she had suggested they spend just one night apart. Just one. They'd made it until three am.

"Are you mad I came ova?"

"No."

Cal chuckled and Gillian couldn't help but smile again. "Good."

"Go to sleep Cal."

They were silent for a moment, their combined body heat scorching the sheets. Gillian shifted the blanket down a little to vent. When she slept with Cal she wore next to nothing; underwear and a tank top. But thinking she was going to be alone, she had pyjamas on. And Cal was fully dressed. She thought about getting up and stripping off.

"Move in with me," Cal's gentle voice caressed over her lips.

"What?" Was her first startled reaction. Her instinct was to pull away from him.

Cal instinctively held her tighter. "Move in with me," he repeated just as softly as before.

"But... I... we..." she found as she moved her lips that they were brushing against his. That, coupled with his request, had her speechless.

"Do you think it's too soon?"

"I think it's three am and I can't think clearly."

Cal pressed his lips against hers. "Move in with me."

"Cal," Gillian complained.

"You haven't said 'no' yet."

"I don't know what to say."

"You want to think about it?"

"Yes."

Cal kissed her again, capturing her lips even as she turned her head slightly away from him. He kissed her again until she responded. "What's there to think about luv?"

"If we're moving too fast. If it's really a good idea. If..."

"I've been good haven't I?"

"Yes," Gillian caressed the back of his neck. "Very well behaved." And he had. Not exactly a box of roses but then she didn't want that either, because that wouldn't be Cal. But he was certainly less obnoxious towards her and a little bit more respectful, even if he did run off and do what he wanted anyway. At least he took the time to clue her in a little bit more... just a little bit made all the difference. And when they were alone together... well then he was close to a box of roses.

"Is that not enough to show you?"

"It's not that."

"Then it's?"

"I can't actually think of any good reasons why not."

Cal gave a light laugh. He kissed her again, daring to make it a little hotter than the sweet kisses of a minute ago. "I love you Gillian," he whispered and she shivered. "This is the next logical step. We're makin' it work. We've known each otha foreva. You're my best friend. I manage to keep my hands off you at work, per request, but only just, can I not share my bed with you every night as reward?"

"You make a very good argument."

"I practiced in my head."

Gillian laughed. She kissed him. "You did very well."

"Is that a 'yes'?"

Gillian nodded. Cal's hands tightened against her. "Thank you," he whispered. "Now it won't seem like such a leap when I ask you to marry me."

"Cal!" Gillian exclaimed softly in alarm and pushed away from him. "Don't."

Cal chuckled. "Relax," he teased her bottom lip through his teeth. "I was teasin' you."

"I _knew_ you said husband."

Cal laughed again. "Is that still botherin' you?"

"No," Gillian huffed. Cal gently pulled her into him again. "Are you going to ask me to marry you?" Whooollllllly shit that made her feel nervous!

"No," Cal responded gently. Gillian relaxed again. "Not yet."


End file.
